Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

hhh, I truly am sorry that you're going through all of this pain again. I think the reason is that you never detached and you DBd in hopes of getting H back. It doesn't work that way. You need to do it for yourself because you know it's in your best interest to become the best person you can be.

Yes, your H is spewing garbage at you when he continues to blame you for all the problems in your M. You know that's not true, you just need to remind yourself of that. It's water off a duck's back. Continue the thought stopping. Write out a list of all the mean/bad things he's done to you this past year. Keep it with you so when you start to doubt yourself you can read the list and see what life has really been like.

Do NOT tell him in any format how you're feeling. Yes, we all want to tell off our partners and try to talk some sense into them. It simply does not work. Anything you say will fall on deaf ears and you'll feel even worse that he either doesn't respond or turns it back on you again. Recognize that this is a cheeseless tunnel and stop doing the same thing expecting a different result. If you need to get it out of your system then write him a letter (not email) and then tear it up or burn it.

It's a tough time of year to be going through this but there are also lots of things to do to keep busy. Focus on the fun things and make yourself happy.