I can take it no more soldiers wife need help

[armywifevampi]

i thank u for always saying and giving me hope... for more to come ... im felling a bit better i got up today after sleeping for more the i can say...

but if i can do everything again i would if this time is not so real to say i am feeling better i realy do not wish to talk to him and if i dont see him its ok...

its been very very pain full and i ask can i change my # and just say im done with all the talk and pain right now i am going dark with no words to speak im moving on with my life ...

like i say i do love him more then ever but my life and my baby girl is what i see right know ... is it wrong of me to want what i cant not have ....

and see for my self that maybe just maybe it was ment to be like he saids ... if my mine plays in hes roll i might just give up on our life together i know its been 21years and it might be time to just give it a rest ....

dont know what will become of me but i know ill be ok with or with out just thinking of the words upset me and i dont wish to her them no more...

i am in the dark ... but i think with my self as well wanting to please him and not pleasing my self first ... so from now on its me first and my girl if he trys to call or text i will not answer weather i wish to or not....

i think its something ive been wanting to do for a while and i cant get it threw my head that it might just meant to be this way like alot of people say things happen for a reason...

it always dose so i do very much thank u for being the one to give me hope for me and my future not only have u been my gidence in everything ive been doing right now...

but uve acted like a friend i havent had in a long time puching and giving me the streanth i need to get by day by day i wish u the greatest x-mass and i will have u in my thought at all times and the word u drilled all the time has help me in my journy for more to come....

i just wish that things would have gone in a better rout cuz off all the good times in our life ... i do see all he sees right know is our pass and how much pain he has made me go throw in our life ...

i wont give up but im going to put my foot down and do me know and think of me know and my girl ....

hes tring not to give me acksess to my schooling ive tried to reason with him to acsept me in the email so i can get all my info on hes ako ....

but he gives me the runaround so i told him thank u and i will figurer it out my self wish i have so i dont think i need to speak to him no more for a while ....

im starting school i hope in jan. and things will turn out good for me ill meat new people and keep my mine in my classes and my girl .... i just hope i can keep my head up and keep going fowerd and my life will get better ...

i thank u again with all my heart that u guys have been the one to open my eyes to a better life for my self and i hope u keep puching me and not give up on me like i have done ....

ill be back later on today and see how my day went at work ...

? can i go out and have a good time with friends ... if i am asked out should i go even thow im married ... would that be wrong for someone to ask me out on a date ...

this would be my first time ever going out on a date if asked i have never been with no one but him and its hard when uve always have low self esteam about ur self ...

i think i would have to work on that my self and this might be the right time to do so and then maybe my life would get easyer as im breaking throw this all at once ....

the reason why i ask is ... my H never said to me im beautifull or how i was looking good or nothing like that for years now did he get me flowers or gifts on no ocations .... its been maybe 10years of our marriage thats been that way ...

could it be my falt for haveing low selfesteam of my self ..

well ill be back and keep them coming im getting beter and want to do this more and more i think about it i know i can ...

thanks see u guys bye