Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

Reply from H:

Hello DBD. I think we might have a problem since you unilateraly made assumptions for such an important event. We need to agree on fair Xmas plans for all of us. As I see it, both of us have to agree on these plans.

As you know, my family celebrates Christmas on the evening of the 24th (dinner/gift sharing), and this year is no exception. Your family always celebrated on the 25th. Activities such as religious mass can be done on the 25th as well.

We need to find a compromise.
Your thoughts?

[Day by Day]

How's this?

"You did not make previous plans with me regarding the Xmas holiday. Unfortunately, in as much as you did not state that you wanted contact with them for that particular day it'll be necessary to work around the pre-planned itinerary for the kids.

Christmas Eve Candlelight service is at 4pm.
Dinner at 6:30
You can pick them up at 9pm Christmas eve."

[P17]

It's a good compromise I suppose. I wouldn't tell him what your plans are just that you have plans and he can pick them up at 9pm on Xmas Eve. I would also not get into a conversation about it. Just tell me you are willing to compromise.

[newmama]

Dbd, it looks like you need to be cold and rude since he is really being a big jerk right now. (If my WH was that rude, I would NOT be doing Plan A!!!)

I agree with P. Say something like this without a greeting:

You did not make previous plans with me regarding the Xmas holiday.You can pick them up at 9pm Christmas eve."

[Day by Day]

Well, I sent it as I wrote it with the greeting and he replied nastily of course.

"Ok. I will pick them up the 24th at 9 pm and bring them up later that night.

Next time pls check with me before you make plans...as early or as late as they may be, so we can properly coordinate.

Thanks,
WAH"

I replied "Ditto". Grrr... he IS PUSHING MY BUTTONS H-A-R-D!! What a controlling jerk. I'm tired of being a pushover--for what?!

Well, heard from the kids that H had a (rental)car accident last week (remember I mentioned he scraped his car in the drive-thru twice). The airbag deployed really hard and he had sunglasses on so he has bruises under his eyes. Hmm. You can guess what I'm feeling about that...

[newmama]

ANOTHER mishap? I am suspicious!

good job replying "ditto!" funny, too!

[Day by Day]

He's cracking physically and mentally but not emotionally is what I'm thinking. I remember H saying once that I was his good luck charm. Well... wonder if he remembers saying that through these mishaps?

[newmama]

DBD, what have you decided to do regarding the mediation discussion with your WH? Are you going to still bring it up?

[Day by Day]

I'm feeling done right now. I don't know if it's because of the holidays, time, feeling hopeless. I just think of all the pain he's caused me and I don't deserve it.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I think I've tried everything. I'm just going to keep making my plans of a future without him and try to be as happy as I can. I guess like P said, I'm normalizing... ?? <sigh> What more can I do. I thought something would have happened by now.

[newmama]

DBD, my DB coach warned me this month would toy with emotions so I bet it us the same for all of us in this sitch.

What do you mean by "you thought something would happen by now?"

What does an LBS do after they file for D? I don't have a clue. Could it be to proceed accordingly and save a glimmer of hope that WAS will not want to do it before the whole process is finalized?

It might even be a case where you get divorcedd and 2 years later he comes around. Did you already explain problems in your M before he left? I can look at your other thread too I guess, unless you didn't explain. :-)