As their mother, I feel hurt and angry when you chose to see C over N. If you do not spend time with them equally, I will limit the time you spend with them. If you continue to slight N - which hurts him deeply - I will stop all visits until this matter is settled to my satisfaction, with the assistance of Social Services or through legal custody action.
In addition, exposing the boys to your mistress is hurtful and confusing to them and is completely unacceptable. If you will not spend your time with them both alone, I will take the same steps laid out above.
All visiting arrangements will be made by you and me alone or not at all. I will not allow arrangements to be made solely between you and N.
Serenity
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
OK I have combined my letter (Thanks for your help Coach) with Gardener's...I felt mine may have been to mean and his way a little to nice...Please let me know what y'all think.
Dear H,
Until I'm satisfied that both boys are receiving equal attention from you and one is no longer being purposefully slighted and hurt, I don't feel comfortable with this arrangment.
As their Mother, I feel hurt and angry when you chose to see C over N. While I wouldn't keep either from you, you need to know that N also misses you and will feel devastated if you only see C.
As their Father both the boys need to spend time alone with you. Exposing the boys to your mistress is hurtful and confusing to them and is completely unacceptable. It is disrespectful to them, me and reflects poorly on you as a man and Father.
If you won't agree to to keeping them away from her then I cannot condone them spending time with you.
If you continue to slight N - which hurts him deeply - I will stop all visits until this matter is settled to my satisfaction, with the assistance of Social Services or through legal custody action.
All visiting arrangements will be made by you and me alone or not at all. I will not allow arrangements to be made solely between you and C.
Serenity
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Sounds great Serenity. You do have a choice in how you handle things. Knowing that is empowering.
Only word to consider is "devastated." To me that's when a true catastrophy happens.
Quote:
As their Mother, I feel hurt and angry when you chose to see C over N. While I wouldn't keep either from you, you need to know that N also misses you and will feel devastated if you only see C.
Maybe - hurt, dissappointed, upset, confused etc.
you are doing great.
PS In case you didn't know Puppy is also Santa Claus. He'll be back in a week.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach - As always - Thank you for coming and sharing your wisdom...I am happy to hear Puppy will be back - I miss him bunches...I hope all is well with him...I have revised it one more time (hopefully the last time) and then have to take a deep breath and hit the send button. (((Hugs)))
Dear H,
Until I'm satisfied that both boys are receiving equal attention from you and one is no longer being purposefully slighted and hurt, I don't feel comfortable with this arrangment.
As their Mother, I feel hurt and angry when you chose to see C over N. While I wouldn't keep either from you, you need to know that N also misses you and will feel confused if you only see C.
As their Father both the boys need to spend time alone with you. Exposing the boys to your mistress is hurtful and confusing to them and is completely unacceptable. It is disrespectful to them, me and reflects poorly on you as a man and Father.
If you won't agree to to keeping them away from her then I cannot condone them spending time with you.
If you continue to slight N - which hurts him deeply - I will stop all visits until this matter is settled to my satisfaction, with the assistance of Social Services or through legal custody action.
All visiting arrangements will be made by you and me alone or not at all. I will not allow arrangements to be made solely between you and C.
Serenity
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
That's a great response - loving to the boys, yourself and your husband. He will respect you taking a stand, he might not ever tell you but I promise he will respect your strength.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I hope that hits some parts of your H - maybe reminding him what a wonderful woman he has for a wife, and his own role as a father.
Puppy is ALSO Santa Claus? Size difference between that and Yoda seems a tad extreme ...
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
As a man, I appreciate the response you gave me, I also am touched by your promise. I am sorry this took almost 24 hours to get together and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your help drafting this...You are a complete gem and we are lucky to have your wisdom and kindness on this board.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
