First Timer

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yeah, you are right. I'm trying to stop the cake eating without causing a complete uproar at the same time.

HINT: If you're worried about the second thing, you'll never accomplish the first thing.

When you're more concerned with doing The Right Thing to Do; what would God Himself have me do, if He were standing right here in front of me? -- rather than "will that make her angry? How will her anger make ME feel?" . . . then you will have arrived at where you need to be to get started.

Puppy

[wolverine1997]

Made a big mistake last night. Kids and I went to come home last night about 9:30 pm, wife is gone. No note, no phone call, nothing. This has always irked me but since I have gone dark I don't call her. Around 11:00 pm I go to bed and she still isn't home and hasn't called. I'm a little more peeved at this point. Finally I fall asleep.

A short time later my son starts making noise in his room and it wakes me up. I get up to check on him. As I walk to his room my wife comes running up the stairs to check on him also. She walks right by me. This is where I messed up. After seeing that my son is ok I go to wife and ask why she can't speak. (I know I should not have said anything to her. The only excuse I have is that I was half asleep plus I was upset with her.) She gets angry and starts her usual tirade. She even states that I don't speak to her so why should she speak to me. She yells a few more things and then I go to bed.

This is my question. I know that I was wrong. I should not have said a word to her. Do I now apologize or leave it alone?

[Drew]

Leave it alone.

[wolverine1997]

HINT[/u]: If you're worried about the second thing, you'll never accomplish the first thing.[/b]

When you're more concerned with doing The Right Thing to Do; what would God Himself have me do, if He were standing right here in front of me? -- rather than "will that make her angry? How will her anger make ME feel?" . . . then you will have arrived at where you need to be to get started.

Puppy

[/quote]

This is why this forum is so valuable. It allows you to not rely on your own emotional, irrational thinking by taking yourself out of the equation and gaining some neutral, insightful, suggestions.

I am too worried about her thoughts, needs, feelings. Old things die hard. I have to worry more about me.

[wolverine1997]

I apologized to her anyway. It didn't matter. She didn't care, just said "ok, thanks". It made we feel better though. I'm mad at myself for breaking my code of silence. Plus, I did learn something in our exchange last night. When I asked her about speaking she stated that I don't speak to her either. So I now know that she has noticed my actions. She tried to state that she doesn't speak because I don't speak to her. But that is a lie. I had always been cordial and friendly until I went dark a few weeks ago. She had been rude and inconsiderate long before that.

[wolverine1997]

Well, let me fill you all in on how my weekend went. Last week a couple of my buddies invited me to go to NY with them for the weekend to visit mutual friends and family. A few of my friends were going with their wives and kids whie others were going alone. At the last minute I decided to go. I came home from work, packed my bag, called my wife (she and kids were at her parents house)and told her that I was going out of town for a few days. She said ok and didn't ask any questions. I didn't mention who all were going or when I would be back. She never called me to ask any questions and I never called her. I did talk to the kids when I got there though. I have never done anything like this before.

One of my buddies and I rented a car and hit the road. We also shared a room at the hotel. While there we visited friends, played basketball, did some site seeing and ate well. We had a ball. We got back early this morning. When I got home she and kids were asleep.

This morning she got up to go to work. I woke up while she was in the shower. I washed, got dressed and went to a meeting at work. I haven't seen or spoke to her in the last 3-4 days. This was a big step for me. I had a couple days of fun without worrying about my sitch. Of course the ride back home was unpleasant due to anxiety about returning back to the reality of my life. But for a couple days things were a little pleasant for a change.

[wolverine1997]

Continuing on with total darkness with wife. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since I came home from trip. When she got home from beauty salon last night I was in bed. I have no idea if this is affecting her at all. I doubt it.

I'm about to take kids to breakfast and run some errands.

[Deep]

Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. That part is beyond your control as you already know. Keep doing what you need to be doing.

Just popping in to let you know I do read your updates even if I don't have much to contribute.

[wolverine1997]

Thanks Deep, that means a lot. Knowing that someone reads my posts helps a lot. That gives me a little extra strength.

Question to all. How do you handle the loneliness? My wife and I used to be very close and talk all the time. Some days I miss her so much that I just want to cry. (I know that sounds like a sissy but I'm not, I watch football :))

Also, this is something new to me. I think that I may have jealousy issues. I never in my life thought that I was overly jealous. But now I find myself questioning what she is doing and who she is with. I overhear some of her conversations and my mind jumps to all sorts of conclusions. I have never heard her say anything that should really make me feel the way that I do but all sorts of crazy ideas run through my head. This is so new to me. Have any of you gone throught this? And if so, how have you handled it?

[wolverine1997]

Called wife at work today to ask her if she had been back home after kids and I left. It wasn't overly important but when I got home I found a couple things different from when we left. I had thrown a couple things away and they were taken out of the trash and replaced back to their original places. She said that she had not been back home and that it probably was our autistic son who had rearranged things when I wasn't looking. He had done the same thing to her before, she said.

I probably should not have called since it wasn't very important but I was just wondering what happened and if she had been back in the house. She was fairly pleasant during the call until I told her about letter from insurance company increasing our home insurance deductible. When I mentioned it she became a bit smart alecky and said "do what you want". At that point I got off of the phone.

This has been the first time that I have talked to her in a couple weeks (minus the phone call to let her know that I was going out of town over the weekend) and the first time I have called her at work in a month or so. This may not sound like much but it is a big step for me. I had been talking to her everyday at work for the past 15 years. Everytime that she is a jerk it strengthens my resolve to continue on dark.