Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

I'm feeling done right now. I don't know if it's because of the holidays, time, feeling hopeless. I just think of all the pain he's caused me and I don't deserve it.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I think I've tried everything. I'm just going to keep making my plans of a future without him and try to be as happy as I can. I guess like P said, I'm normalizing... ?? <sigh> What more can I do. I thought something would have happened by now.