First I want to welcome you. You couldn’t really have found a better place for support if you have to go through this.
Please don’t let my registration date confuse you, I have been at this a very very long time. You have received some very good advice so far. It does sound like you have heard and witnessed a lot of the traditional script.
MLC is sort of a misnomer because this is a life transition. We all go through different periods in our lives where we grow and change and it is how we handle it and the issues that we have to face which determines whether it is crisis or not. My H started his journey, the first time around when he was about 25 or so. Cleared that hurdle (or so I thought) around 28 and reboarded his crazy train when he was about 34. Sometimes I think he was just stuck at the station in between. We are now 37 (almost 38) and he is still riding.
So I want to say, patience is your friend on this journey. Patience and tongue biting.
I understand you do not want to “condone” his behavior, however, at this point, trying to control it, talk to him about how much it is hurting you, how much you want to work on the marriage, or even simply how angry you are about it, is going to be perceived as pressure by him and will just drive him away further. There will come a point where you will be able to talk about all of this stuff, but that is a ways down the road.
They lie. The even lie to themselves. That is one of the scary parts of this IMO. They believe their own lies most of the time, just like they expect us too. They spend. They do things that you would never ever have expected them to do.
Definitely ask question about anything, share your experiences, your thoughts. We all learn from each other around here. And we are all very willing to offer our own experiences and knowledge to the pot if we think it will help.
Do for you right now. The sooner you can begin to really learn about MLC and the sooner you will really understand what you are dealing with and you can begin your own journey.
GAL, 180’s, As If are all really good, especially in the beginning.
Ok I could talk forever but this takes time. This takes a lot of time. Patience. Patience like you never believed you could have. Faith, in God and in yourself. Love, real unconditional love, and forgivness.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
