Quote:

Do you have to decied right away? You said you have 30 days till final? How long do you have until you could no longer file an extension?


I have to decide by Friday the 17th.

Quote:

What if you took all the pressure off for a few days/weeks and was very agreeable everytime he talked about it?


So you are saying just agree to his wanting the divorce and that all the stuff he says is wrong with our marriage is correct? That would be a 180 since I hate that he continually blames me! Feel like I have to defend myself. I'll do this...agree with what he says and end the conversation quickly. Most times he doesn't want to talk at all to me about anything.

Quote:

Is there a way to have these conversations without the R talks? Maybe he is feeling a lot of pressure from this type of conversation??

Yes, I get frustrated and push his buttons on the R...wanting to know what he's going to do, when is he seeing the counselor, etc. I'll just stop all R talk but that is SO hard! Yes he sees these R talks as demanding!

Quote:

My H also goes back and forth. Wants to keep me close, yet have all the freedom. Confusion and guilt are on high on the list. So I go with the flow.


How do I go with the flow? I feel as though there are other women when he doesn't call me or want to do things with me! Do I just be available when he wants me?

Quote:

I have started thinking about it this way. While I DO NOT want to be D, I DO NOT want the old relationship back. So I am putting it to rest. And if that means it will take a D for closure of that R to lay the groundwork for a new and improved R, so be it.


So did you file for the D and are letting it go through? I've got to decide something this week and for the life of me don't know if I can keep going at this with him. I'm like you in that I don't want a D but don't want the old R back! He continues to act the same and keeps insisting that I change by not expecting so much change so quickly. But it has been a year, and he continues to do nothing consistently. He does some stuff but it's like once a month or when he's drunk. I've actually been waiting 7 years for more affection but he only sees that in the past year I have not changed. Arrgh!!! I'm just not getting through no matter what I do...if I remain silent he calls and then 2 weeks later it's off for some dumb stuff I did (like not leave messages on his answering machine) or if I continually call him and ask him out he runs or fights with me or sleeps with me then says don't touch me! I'm damned if don't and damned if I do!