Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

I guess what my point is that I don't think you should beat yourself up or take the blame for his actions. I definately think becoming cleaner and a better cook are things that you can do to improve yourself and let him see those changes as positives, but not as an excuse for his behavior

.

Thank you Ravenly and Dbd as well! I don't always blame myself, but at the same time want to be honest about the balance being off in our relationship. A big part of Plan A really is about meeting our WS's emotional needs, right? What's funny is that domestic house hold duties wasn't in the top 5 when he filled out the emotional needs questionnaire. Instead he had (not in this order)affection, attractive spouse, sexual fulfillment, openness and honesty (HA!) and admiration.

I think that acts of service are his love language so that is why I am working on the domestic stuff. IN addition to just having fun with a new hobby (cooking) and feeling good about having a pretty clean house all the time.

I am improving my looks and giving him compliments which I was pretty good at doing in the past as well but probably overlooked some things he did all the time.
Or I wasn't thanking him in his love language.

I can't really give him affection or sex right now (my boundary) and I am trying to be mysterious, so being open and honest is out the window.

My needs were (not in this order)affection, openness and honesty, admiration, attractive spouse and conversation. SF was #6 but to me, affection can count as SF too so I had a tough time deciding. WH had recreational activities as #6 and conversation was 7 or 8. So we had 4/5 top emotional needs in common.

Now I am joining the others on the forum who are cycling down. I am just discouraged. I mean I still feel like I am a catch and that WH should be afraid to lose me. That is still there. But I am crying right now.

When he came over he was in the best, upbeat *&^% mood. He arrived that way. It made me be in a bad mood but I forced myself to stay neutral and work on sounding cheery.

Well I just wish he went out of town or something for a week. I could use a break from all of this, It's very hard. Like P said, I think he is normalizing.

Today he told me that he was working a half day tomorrow so he could either come early and leave early or just do the regular time (5:30-8:00ish), "no biggee" I already invited my aunt to come visit so I told him that the regular time would be fine.

I tried to change the order of making dinner first, then working out and showering in order to suck up the time. However, he came over earlier than usual. So I had an extra 40 minutes to kill. I made the dinner, chatted kind of, and then when it came to using the elliptical it hurt my stomach because I was full from dinner!

So I had to stop after only 28 minutes. Well, on top of that, our S was super tired because I took him to visit a friend of mine who lives out of town so he didn't get his naps. He ended up going to bed early.

I called 3 different people and got voicemail so I wasn't able to talk on the phone. Arghhh! So I came downstairs and ended up surfing the net while we watched TV for 45 minutes. He always leaves at 8 or 8:15 for some reason; tonight S was totally out by 7:30ish and he hung around until 8. I dont know if it is because of his anal retentive nature or what?

He was thoughtful and closed up the patio door, cleaned up after dinner and put the food in tupperware. Later when I asked him if he would eat it, he said it was good, but no (we had chili nachos) and I told him I wouldn't eat it either. So then he went to the fridge and took it out and threw it away so that I wouldn't have to procrastinate on tossing it.

I think I may have mentioned this before but I starting to worry that he is being friendly because he thinks "See? I knew we could coparent and stay friends!" I know that is mind reading. My fantasy is that he is being nice in order to keep me interested until Dec 26 when he dumps OW. Hahaha! Come on, it has been 9 months almost!Again, if she were different I would be more threatened but I know it will end!

Also, going to his sister's house to see his mom may be more of the above...that he can show we can co parent and stay friends. I just saw his mom and sister the other week when I invited them to come and see S at our house. So I don't need to see them really.

And I think 2 other times during our Separation we have gone together to visit his family. So I think it would be a 180 if I didn't go. I could just wait until Sunday and when he shows up, say "you know, I really need to put away the Christmas stuff! I think I'll stay here this time and you can go ahead! Say hi to your mom for me!"

I am open to disagreement but just wanted to explain my thinking. Does it make sense? (to not go with him) Or not? Opinions please.