Glad, super glad, that things are looking up, Cinco!
RE: your wife's apparent embarrassment with matters sexual.
Think back to all your infidelities. Were you in a hurry to come forward to her about them? Or were you worried that she would reject you? blame you? judge you? hate you? be hurt? How incredibly hard was it for you to come forward?
Can you imagine that she might feel the same way about openly displaying her sexual self to another person?
You would say and I would say that it's not the same thing at all. But to *her*, it might be.
I'm not saying "give up", at ALL ... but imaginative empathy is always in order.
It may be that you gotta give to get. Not openess with your sexuality, but openess and honesty with her in the areas where YOU feel vulnerable, scared, and less-than. Not to the degree where you become a sniveling weak weasel of a man .... but simple revelatory honesty. Sometimes, it does evoke the same.
Thanks Kett. Yes, I do see what you mean. For us my closing myself off from her had very much to do with her closing herself to me. I was so worried about losing her love it scared me to death to come forward, be honest.
Of course that has all changed for us now. We are honest with each other now. She is honest with me about how she does not know why it is so hard for her to feel free in the bedroom. We have moved forward from where we were a year ago (I have something to add below to Young at Heart about that). Slow progress, we are getting there, it just seems so slow.
Originally Posted By: Young at Heart
Even when I have asked, my wife will not wear heels and a slinky robe to bed. If buy her anything slinky it is a fight. If I suggest she dress in something slinky before she get's into bed that she already owns that I find sexy, it is a fight. She has told me that she has body self-image issues and I can say that I believe her. I complement her on those parts of her body that I find attractive and tell her that I do have strong feelings of desire for her. However, it is flanel and lights out before any kissing or hugging and then it is take the flannel sleep shirt or top & pants off briefly to have intercouse, have her cuddle a moment or two, put all the flannel back on, get up go to the bathroom and then come back to bed and GO TO SLEEP!
Young at Heart you won't believe this but what you are describing is almost exactly my W's and my SL a little over two years ago (before our working together on it). I had to tell myself just how far we have come since then (and sorry, it made me smile a bit too ). Even way back in my posts somewhere I complained about flannel and the leaping out of bed to re-dress for sleep.
That was before I made it perfectly clear how much it meant to me for her NOT to shield herself from me with flannel and to stay nude and snuggle afterwards. I knew my W loved me but it didn't feel real without the physical affection (and skin contact).
The sexy extras are just icing on top. I am very grateful for how far we have progressed from those "flannel quickies".
I didn't happen until I let her know how I felt. It hurt me to not get affection. I had to tell her, make her understand that I was hurting. Our ST also asked the question, "Mrs. Cinco you love Cinco don't you? Affection is a way show him your love - Don't you want him to feel your love for him?"
). Even way back in my posts somewhere I complained about flannel and the leaping out of bed to re-dress for sleep.
