OK, as long as you're looking inward when you're making these decisions. Wow, you married a PK (preachers kid)! I'm a high school teacher, and I can tell you that with preachers' kids, teachers' kids and cops' kids, there usually isn't a whole lot of middle ground. They're either goody-two-shoes or very rebellious.
The decision to talk to dbag's wife should not depend on how your wife might react. If you suspect that dbag has not been completely honest about the status of his marriage, then you have a responsibility to contact his wife. There are, as you well know, heath risks associated with sex with a primiscuous partner. Your integrity as a physician and a human being should not be compromised by how your wife might react to such a contact. You'll have to use your best judgement, because the blowback could affect you and your boys.
I don't know how spiritual you are, but pastors and priests are paid to minister to people in pain. Also, given that your wife is a PK, having the pastor know that she is schtupping her boss might apply some additional pressure.
When she retains an attorney, you will have to make some compromises. You should prepare yourself mentally for that. The reality is that if she is hell-bent on continuing this affair, you will be unable to prevent your kids from being exposed to it. You'll probably have to let loose of some money as well. Your attorney will advise you regarding the particulars of your state's family law code.
You're doing well. I don't have the moral clarity that Coach and Puppy have, but I hope that I've asked the right questions.
