W does not like the changes? Tough. It's pushing her past her comfort zone. You're not as pliant a doormat any more. What? She thinks you like the new improved her too? (Dummy-proof note: This is not a comment you should say to her).
I agree with Greek that chances are that OM will run for the hills. Right now, W and OM are living a fantasy with no consequences. Injecting some reality into that delusion forces a nasty awakening.
And why do you even ask if you should contact OM? I'm seriously just curious about what your goal is. Sure, it's understandable if you feel like depriving him of a limb or 3 at times, but contact? Are you thinking you can talk sense into him, get an apology and remorse, what exactly? He's beneath you, and nothing good can come out of it.
To repeat from my sitch - when OM texted my W during the period of NC, I called his home and left a message for his W. He actually got angry and panicky, not that he had the stomach to call me. No, he called my W and asked her why I did that, that it was breaking the "rules" and jeopardising his family. Oh, the irony. I made it clear that if he had a problem with my actions, he can contact me for an explanation and that his next contact with my W would see me at his W's workplace. His behavior thereafter showed what a gutless scumbag he was.
Also, before discovery, W and OM had talked about being caught, and W told him she was feeling so guilty and that I would break him in 2 if I knew. OM heroically announced he was going to tell me, and "relectantly" let W dissuade him. "Oh, Deep has a right to know, and if he feels better kicking my ass, I'll take it, afterall we're in the wrong". I was copied in all their official emails relating to a European trip that would have sealed the A. He also got my W to call me out and join them when they had drinks, shaking my hand and buying me beers during the A.
Point being - as long as the A is on-going, you're only going to hurt yourself having any contact with OM. Don't give him the satisfaction. Just work on what you have to do.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
