(((((Fallgirl))))) You've sure come a long way in a short time!
And you have cracked the code! You have to take care of yourself! I'm sure there will be rough patches along the way, but there's a lot of good stuff coming up, too!
Thanks you two. Have to say your both pretty inspiring yourselves!
Still think wearing wedges was a turning point for me, Mindful!
Reflecting on the whole DB thing I know when I started following the programme in earnest last April H just got crazier and crazier. It had the opposite effect to what I had hoped.
But now I realise he just really seems to need me to be angry,upset,unhappy to make him feel better. He can`t cope when I`m ok. And hates to see me doing well.
It`s like the toxic parts of our marriage burnt off and now there`s nothing left.
I love that DB gave me me back!I rediscovered old interests,learned to really value friendship, learned to have fun again.
I`m still learning that I matter.
Ok New Year looming. I know there are challenges ahead VH! Hope I can make the separation path as smooth as possible for my kids and mainly, I`m hoping we can all squeeze as much fun as possible out of each day no matter what happens.
Hi TIF! Just catching up on PC stuff. PC died and its taken me a while to tweak this laptop into action, hence my absence.
I`m doing well. We`re in mediation and I have found since I really let go of H in December and really began to believe he`d be a better Dad when he gets his freedom, I`m doing so much better.
Getting quite reflective actually.Why did I hold on to the marriage so long etc etc.
But the main thing is I`m feeling really positive about life actually improving for me once he`s gone.I`ve got a whole new me thanks to DB. I get to keep that and a key thing I`ve learnt is that in letting go, I`ve got to let go of anger and forgive H for MY sake.
Oh and remember my part in things too, so that this does not happen again. Gotta keep out of those old patterns!
Next Sat is the day we get to tell the kids. That`s the day I`ve dreaded all along but I`m feeling much stronger about that now. Two week later is the day he moves. Yeah, he tried to put the brake on that one for a few weeks but I said no.Keep going mister. I`ve also suggested we make it as positive as possible;he takes the kids with him for two nights, have a Chinese, relax enjoy their time together. I`ll be ok on my own. Really. I could have friends over but hey I really am looking forward to peace and quiet!I can always change plans at the last min if I need to and head out with a friens. We`ll see.
You sound so strong in your posting. I'm glad you are doing well and I hope that the discussion w/the children comes off okay. I agree, if you keep things on a positive note, they will be okay. They'll have some concerns, but I believe you can handle those quite well.
The new year has started off on the right foot for you. You have found your footing and know what you need to do for you and for your children.
Stay positive!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, in December I let H go. Completely. Have been to lawyers to get the legal separation started. Have told the kids`teachers, my friends, that type of thing.
Have continued to GAL. Have fun. Am ready to enjoy life.
Seeing the lawyers letter requesting separation really shook H up. His anger suddnly abated. He said he was willing to work on the marriage but I`ve told him it was too late. I refused to go to MC.After all I`d been through with H I really didn`t want him anymore. Not saying I want him now either-just undecided again.
In between all that my Mum got quite ill. It was apparent over the past month or two that she wouldn`t pull through this time and last week she passed away.
This has shaken H up too. He`s really mellowed through all of it and really seems to want us to be a family again.
I`m not sure of anything right now though. Except that I am very vulnerable right now and I can`t make a decision from this place.
Wishing you all love and happiness right now where ever you are.
First, and most importantly... my condolences on the loss of your Mum. I'm sorry.
I think you are very right, this isn't a good time to make decisions. It might not be a terrible thing to give him small opportunities to support you as you go through this, maybe it would give you a little window into who he is now.
I believe it's a good thing that you are now the one that can decide what direction things will go. There's no rush, in any case. "I don't know." is a perfectly good answer, for now.
I am so glad to see you posted! I am so sorry about your Mum.
Life sure is interesting, isn't it? I agree with VH that waiting to make any decisions is the right thing to do. And your H most definitely needs to prove himself to you.
Please keep posting - I've missed "seeing" you around here and have often wondered how you were.
