You have to stop talking about her. You will push him further away from you and closer to her.
She is NOT the problem, his issues are. It sounds like his fathers passing has thrown him into a crisis of sorts.
You can't talk your way out of this. You can't reason or rationalize with him right now and you can't expect him to be like the old normal H.
You have to take a few steps back. It's up to you to stay even keeled. He will bounce back and forth and he will also take you along for the ride if you let him.
For starters, if he is getting angry with you for no reason, stay calm and say "it's not ok for you to treat me this way" then walk away or hang up the phone.
Do your absolute best not to show him any negative emotions.
There is a ton of excellent information in the resources. Learn all you can and ask questions. Don't be afraid to post to others.
This takes lots of time and an unbelievable amount of patience. Focus on you, you have no control over him. The faster you get this the better off you will be.
