We have never really spoken nor acted harshly to one another. I know..try to be different, but i AM scared and confused.
So, has she talked, or hinted, that she wanted you to be "rough" with her when ML? I am talking about acting out......as if you were abusing her? Oh.....IDK, this sounds like something for professionals. It seems that she would want totally opposite, but we never know and that's why some abuse cases need guidance for a long time down the road.
I can understand you getting confused by different POV. I think if you feel confident in the DBing, then you need to stick to the DR book and this board. We may have different POV about some issues....but I think everyone comes together on the basic viewpoints.
I keep going back to the fear factor b/c until you can overcome that.......I don't think you'll see much change. Another thing that seems to come across is that you tend to "wait" for "her" to lead in most things. Even if you were willing to get out of your comfort zone......do you think she was still the one that was in charge?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
