Not that we ever had any doubt about the quality of your weekend (poor Cindy's fears do not stand a chance against your well honed DBing skills). It is the details we are waiting for!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Well here are the details - but I did not post much before because it did not end well and I do not know what happened. Maybe some input from others here will help me figure it out.
Picked her up on Friday afternoon and we took the back roads up to the B&B (the same one we went to for her Birthday 2 years ago). We had a very good trip, good conversations, good laughs some hugging and kissing. It was a 3 1/2 hour trip and we got to the B&B around 8. Our room was the Red Bud Room (click on room for virtual tour). After checking in we took a bubble bath in the Big Red Whirlpool tub in the corner of the room. I fix a Cosmopolitian and we laughed and had good time. We then went to bed and ML (remember from earlier post that she spent the night with me Thursday->Friday and we ML Friday morning too. Saturday Morning we woke up around 6:30 and ML again. Got up and got some coffee and walked around outside and enjoyed the Magnificent views before breakfast. Breakfast was great and after breakfast we took a shower and I washed her hair and helped dry and brush it. We then went to Pigeon Forage and did some shopping - bought her two tops and a dress. We then had a fabulous meal in a restaurant overlooking a river. Could not eat it all and took the leftovers with us. then we went on a helicopter ride over the foothills just before sunset. We then went to a local park where they had already set up some Christmas lights and wondered around the park and some shops down town and finished up with a great Mexican meal before heading back to the Inn. When we got back we again had another bubble bath and more consmos. And after the bath I gave her a massage before heading to bed. Since she developed a coughing spell and we were both tired we just cuddled and went to bed. Sunday Morning we woke up early again and ML and then I went and got coffee and brought it to her in the room. We then had breakfast again and then back to the room Where she laid down for a few minutes and I took a shower. After that I was sitting on the side of the bed and looking at her and she asked me what I was thinking. I told her that the weekend had ended up alot different than I thought it would. I originally booked the room for a get away for myself since I was scheduled to arrive on Nov. 14, one month after the D was final and I was going to just think over my options and what I was going to do. She asked me what I would have decided and I told her that there was not way to know that. To go own without her, to continue to work on US, or to even make a decision. Anyway we started packing and getting ready to go. She wanted me to write a note in the Room's journal and I found that that was very hard to do.
Anyway, I got alittle teary-eyed and she gave me alittle hug (this is where things started going down hill some)
We finished packing and left and drove to Cades Cove in the Great Smokey Mountains. A trip we also did 2 years ago. The last time we went we stopped about half way around and went out into a field under a big oak tree and had a bottle of wine and crackers while we sat on our jackets. We sat there for over an hour watching traffic and animals and such. Well this time it was raining so no picnic but we did find the same tree and took some pictures. Last month I was up in Townsen, Tennessee (a small town just outside the Park) at a craft fair and bought her a painting of cades cove sparks lane to remind her of our wine and cracker picnic and she hung it by her bed in her bedroom. Well this time we were up there we found that spot also and parked under another tree (raining so we stayed in car) and ate the left overs from yesterdays dinner. again had lots of laughs and hugs and kisses.
We then headed out of park and on the way home, but before we left the park I pulled over into a pull off and turned so I could give her a really big hug and kiss before we left. We kissed and hugged for several minutes while other cars passed by. We drove on home again by another back way.
On the way home we talked about our weekend and she said that it was wonderful and really loved it, BUT She felt that we needed to work on day by day and just work on being friends. While I agreed with her that we should be friends, I reminded her that what we did over the weekend was not what I do with any of my other friends.
When we got home she said that I did not need to be in a hurry to leave and she fixed me a drink. After a few minutes she asked if I would stay the night. I said yes and we got ready for bed. Before we went to sleep she said she did not want to ML only cuddle and she said that while she knew that if she asked me to come back I would come back the next day, she was not ready for me to come back yet. She also said that the only reason she asked me to stay was because she thought I wanted to stay, (not because she wanted me to stay). about 3 in the morning she got up and left the bedroom. after a few minutes I went out and found her on the couch and I said I did not want to run her out of her own bedroom. She said she often sleeps the last part of the night on the coach. I went back to bed but it started bothering me and I was laying there wide awake so I just got up and got dressed and told her I was going home. She did not try to stop me. but did ask me to call her when I got home to let her know I got there safely.
When I got home I called her and let her know I was OK. I oversleep the next morning and was late for work and she called me on the Cell to ask how I was and to thank me for a really great weekend. I said I was OK (but I was really depressed and I did not know why.) I had court most of the day so I could not IM but during lunch I sent her a little E-mail to say Hi. When I got back from court around 3:30 in the afternoon she noticed I was online and sent an IM to say Hi. we chated alitte and she then said "I am loosing it Bob" I said what and she said she had been crying all day. I called her on my cell and when she answered she could hardly talk she was crying so. She said she was very down all day and did not know why and that she had called her sister in S. Ga and just bawled of over an hour. She said she had not even answered her business phone much and was very depressed. I told her I was really down too but did not know way. She said that this weekend was really a eye opener for both of us and she felt that she needed lots of space to think about it.
I hate to say it but knowing that she was crying so much about the weekend helped take my depression down a few notches, but I am worried about her. I asked her if I could call later or if she would call me later to let me know she was ok and she said she would be OK but that she did not want any phone calls for awhile.
I think that she really loves me (she said she does several time) but that she will not let herself believe that it will work between us. I sence that she feels that if we get back together she will be miserable for the rest of her life but yet she feels that if she does not get back together then it will really hurt me. She said several times that she does not want to keep hurting me.
I guess it is time to back off completly and let her have lots of space to make her own mind up about what she wants.
Well, all the good time together is making her think! And that's good. But don't ASSume like I do! LOL
Give her space, keep being her friend! You may look at this as not so good, but I don't see it that way! She enjoyed the weekend, she missed you after her trip. You have both been making lots of steps! There are a lot of good things happening, hence her depression. She probably wasn't expecting to fall for you or love you! And I believe that is why she is so confused. I would say not to back off, but to keep doing what you have been doing. Give her a couple days and then call and see how she is.
When I backed to far off, I almost lost my H again. So hang in there, I see all of this as good steps!
In my opinion if you back off now, she'll think you are having second thoughts about the weekend. I suspect she cried because she wanted to go on with you but feels guilty for the D. She may be having second thoughts, but it is tough: she was telling everybody it was all over a month ago. And now it is not...
Sorry, I am rambling. I'll post again when the fever goes down...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Hi Deb and Opt - thanks for your imput - I have had someone else tell me the same things - also a good positive. I posted the long weekend version before I left from work and then came home. - when I came home I notice that she had called around 6:10 - I got home just before 8 and while I was getting orginized and listened to her VM and before I could return her call she called me again at 8:05. she called to see how I was and to say she was ok - we talked for a little bit and ended on a plesant note. - she said she would IM or I could IM her tomorrow.
