Wow. You are right. Who wants to continue their old marriage?? Nobody. I am very happy for you and the fact that H is slowly coming around. I wouldn't call it rebuilding I would call it building. As you are building a new marriage. A happy, secure, marriage. Your patience amazes me. Keep on the right track and you will succeed!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Britt - thank you. It's worth it if you want a better stronger marriage than before. I think it is worth it.
More amazingness in MC today - suffice it to say, H not only to admitted to something he was doing, it was something he always accuses me of doing! (A famous verbal abuse trick - projection). He said, "Wow, I'm doing exactly what I accused W of" and we actually all laughed in MC.
GIMA, I"m trying not to get my expectations up. But this feels as close to a Xmas miracle as I'm going to get!
Is this what people mean when they say piecing is the hardest part? Because now that there isn't as much focus on the "chase", now I'm faced with all the things in him that made me unhappy in the first place. He still has all the negative tendencies, but fortunately there is more good stuff in between. So, as much as I want my marriage to work there is still some verbal abuse - although it has been calming way down - and in MC yesterday he made it very clear that he not only "forgets" most of those episodes, he doesn't even see them as a problem. This piecing is going to take work!!!!!!!!!
Well H admitted he has "generalized anxiety disorder" and I looked it up and wouldn't you know "irritability,impatience, suspicion" and more that does fit with what I exper tience as verbal abuse. H always said that when I experience him as angry, he experiences himself as anxious.
Well that's that. A diagnosis. Still, I see him working on his behavior since MC at least apologizing and communicating. This is the biggest step. We haven't had this in months. I asked for xmas that he spend an evening just with me - walking around the city looking at lights - I know, pursuing. But I asked, and he said yes. We'll see if he follows through.
in MC yesterday he made it very clear that he not only "forgets" most of those episodes, he doesn't even see them as a problem. This piecing is going to take work!!!!!!!!!
My H does this. The good thing is he is in MC with you and is working at these issues with you. Am wishing you lots of luck
Thank you Soleil - it helps to know I'm not the only one, although sorry you have this issue too. What is that?! I find it astonishingly unbelievable.
Anyhow, marked improvement since starting MC. The C is really good and definitely encourages H not to blow these things off.
H and I had another good night tonight with S - best xmastime in years. Perhaps I'm not taking my family for granted this year, I appreciate more. I have always harbored negative associations @ xmas due to my childhood, but this year I am treasuring every moment. Ginderbread houses, playdough ornaments, music concerts, and even though my H doesn't live here, I am relieved that the arguing is diminishing, our relationship seems to be turning for the better, my strength is increasing, and that there is hope for a new future for us.
I am GIMA! BEtter than I've been since I started here.
How do you post a link to a new thread? LIke you did on yours, GIMA? I'm thinking of moving to PIecing if things keep up this way...
Go to the thread you want to link to - your current thread in your case. copy the address to the thread.
On hte DB site, go to the "My Stuff" pull down and click on "Edit Profile."
Open another browser window so you can go to www.tinyurl.com. You will need to shorten the address to your thread, so you paste it in to www.tinyurl.com and allow tinyurl to shorten it for you. This should automatically place the tinyurl link on your computer's clipboard.
Now go back to your edit profile window in DB. In the signature block type the following code:
[url=PASTE THE TINY URL LINK HERE] TYPE THE NAME YOU WANT TO CALL YOUR LINK[/url]
It sounds complicated, but it really isn't. Good luck.
