Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

W just called. D10 is feeling better. D7 is fine. She has problems paying the lady watching the kids this week. There was a leaky pipe in the basement that cost her $350. She was wondering if $150 for the week would be enough. I said yes.

She did ask how I was feeling.

After talking about the $350 for the pipe and the $150 for the daycare lady, she hesitated perhaps wondering if I'd jump in and offer to help pay.

I did not. So she then talked about going through her check book to see if she had enough to pay the $150.

Pay day was Friday. If she's already out of money, it's going to be a long two weeks.

I'm now $1,700 to my $2,500 for a legal retainer -- so I could help, but I'd be using money I'm setting aside for a D.

I kind of feel guilty. I was always the saver between us and she was the spender. I had a feeling -- saying "I knew" would be egotistical -- that she would really struggle handling money. Anyway, I kind of feel guilty that I could help if asked but am not doing so because she needs to learn I'm not always going to be there when she falls.

[ClingingToHope]

Soleil, feeling pretty good today. May attempt to play basketball tonight.

[C-Bart]

I kind of feel guilty. I was always the saver between us and she was the spender. I had a feeling -- saying "I knew" would be egotistical -- that she would really struggle handling money. Anyway, I kind of feel guilty that I could help if asked but am not doing so because she needs to learn I'm not always going to be there when she falls.

IMHO you are doing the right thing here. You can not take care of her. She needs to feel the full result of her actions. This is not your problem. She is a big girl and will figure it out.

[ClingingToHope]

I'm finally heading out to finish my Christmas shopping. I talked to D10 yesterday about presents. I asked her if she'd rather I went light on the presents and then took them to Chicago to the American Girl Doll store.

It would make up for the fact that W essentially ditched them this year because she couldn't afford it. I had saved the money and perhaps this could become our thing.

I thought long and hard about this. I didn't want W to take it as a slap at her since this has been something she has done with them the past four years.

In the end, it's about the girls. W can interpret it any way she wants.

[ClingingToHope]

For the veterans out there, I'm heading into my first Christmas where apart from W and sharing the girls time. I'm getting a lot of it, I must say, and I'm not sure why.

Still, Friday, I'll wake up here all alone. I think I'm prepared for it. For those who have been through this, what kind of feelings should I be prepared for?

[ClingingToHope]

W called this morning. Cake eating moment -- but still interesting.

Lady watching kids for break shows up and is sick. She wants day off. W has to call former baby sitter to see if she'll take the kids. She says yes.

W has to scramble to get them dressed and in the car so she can get them there and not be -- very -- late to work.

On the way, the girls say they want their Nintendo DSs, which are at my apartment.

So W calls, asking if I can drive the DSs across town and if I can pick the girls up by 5 p.m. It's my night.

I was laying on the couch. I don't have to be at work until 9 a.m. and I was waiting for some laundry to finish.

I said I could do it. She said thanks and I said goodbye.

End of year was always a time W could catch up by going in early while I took care of getting the kids here and there.

Choices, choices.

Of course, I'm having a non-detaching day for some reason. I keep wondering if W will be thinking of "us" at all over the next week?

[ClingingToHope]

OK. Here's a question. It's nasty out today, but I still plan on taking girls to a church service tonight. W is leaving work early to pick them up. Should I invite W to come along tonight?

She'd likely turn it down anyway -- but it could be a test to see if the tides are turning even a little bit.

Really need input fast on this.

[motherof3]

Would this be an invitation to the W because of the kids or is this an invitation solely for your benefit? Are you inviting her for the right reasons?


I suggest trying this.

W, I am taking the girls to church service. You are welcome to join us.

If she says no. Go without her.

Mo3

[ClingingToHope]

It's a bit of both. W and I have not done anything together since the summer except for a school conference. I do think the girls would like it, it would be polite and it would be a small gesture and a chance for W to see where the girls have been going to church all year.

[soleil]

W, I am taking the girls to church service. You are welcome to join us.

If she says no. Go without her.

Perfecto.