NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

First time I've posted to you P17 but I have been following your story. I'm sorry for what you've gone thru, all I can say is I've been there and done that and it WILL get easier with a little more time.

As DBD said the other day, it will get worse before it get's better. It was bad the last few days but today things have picked up, however I do know why (see next post) and I'm not altogether happy with it.

My one bit of advice is to stay away from your wife's job. I thought it was a bad idea before the OM started working there. If you are doing no contact, then stick to your guns and mean it. I dont know if you are going into the store just to try to prove you are doing ok or what. You've asked your wife to not contact you. So why is it ok if you go into her job? No contact means NO CONTACT...not no contact unless I need some wine. Start shopping elsewhere. It will obviously be better for you mentally and only further drives home your point of not interacting with someone who is involved in an affair.

I quoted all of that because it is relevant. I read this post this morning. It's not 10.42pm here and I'm just replying as I have been digesting it all day.

I went back and read the bit in DR about LRT again. You're right. Going dark means actually going dark. No contact doesn't just mean no communication, it means NO VISIBILITY. I disappear off the radar, vanish, gone. No more going into her work at all. I was thinking I could go in after she finishes but again, no. This isn't what NC is about.

The only problem with this I have is that the store where she works has a lot of things I simply cannot get anywhere else and if it's an emergency I have a problem. If it's just normal goods, D's mum said she would go (and in fact went tonight for me). I will just need to play this by ear.

Dont sell your ring, you are still indeed married. Unless you have some super fancy ring the guy's ring isnt worth much anyway.

It's not actually about the money, it's more the symbol of it going.

If you get back together you'll be glad you kept the ring. If you dont, then wouldnt busting it with a hammer AFTER you are divorced serve you better than whatever small amount of money you might be able to get for it?

Perhaps. I will see how I feel on the D day.

Having a spouse leave is hard for anyone, toss in the loss of your mom and you've been dealt a really unfair hand.

Awaiting disaster number three ...

Other than the stopping by her work and how you handled the Christmas decorations I think you've done a great job. Keep it up and enjoy spneding alot of time with your daughter over the holidays.

Thanks Sakaro.

Can I ask how you think I handled the Xmas decorations badly? I felt this was a 180 for me. I also think this was also the start of the W moving on / going dark / NC / whatever you want to call it.