Getting back on track ...

[P17]

Hi P17---
Again--I think you are amazing and you are still giving great advice---keep it up.

Thanks sg.

One thing I strongly disagree with is advice to out an affair. It's already done here.

It is done here. It's revenge that makes me want to do more if I'm honest and I suppose that is pretty natural given the sitch.

And everything between you and your wife should stay between you and your wife.

It's a bit late for that to be honest.

He told me that my children need all the people in their life that love them...and to nurture that. I have done that. And that's one of the things I will never regret more than 15 years after my divorce. Even when my inlaws shut me out for about 2 years. And that's about how long it seems to take with what I've witnessed on the board. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.....even if you're not treated spectacularly.....IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU. Think years out, not 6m out in everything you do. And if it doesn't come back to you, it comes back to your child.

You're right sg. I'm not entirely convinced MIL does love D and I believe her contact is out of guilt but I truly hope I am wrong. Time, and actions, will tell.

It also prepares the way for an easier transition for you and your wife. The more divisions you make, the more divisions remain....so if you have divisions with your inlaws, it can make it hard or impossible for your wife to 'save face' and come back.

I believe we are far too far down that path with my own father now due to my wife's disinterest in the death of my mother and the arrogant (his words not mine) letter she sent him with the condolence card. I suppose it's never too late though to say sorry (is that not a song?)

So keep the gifts. With joy. Thank your MIL with enthusiasm. Your joy will give back to her.....and nurture what she knows in her heart....YOU'RE the BEST!!!
Peace is almost always the best way.

I was going to get D to call her today and thank her personally but wasn't able to. I dropped MIL a text explaining and said that I would get D to call her soon. I thanked her for the present and thoughtfulness.