A Choice

[sandi2]

The LBH can be friend--ly. He doesn't act mad, pout, etc. But to don't let her try to make you her best friend. See the difference?

Work on detaching this week. It will be hard b/c of the holidays, but you said you were a strong person. I believe you are!

[robx]

Funny thing is, is that he is puggy... hairy with sideburn and walks funny.

Yeah though, definately a plus. SIL just does not see it.

W is gonna throw up when the fog clears....

You judge attraction solely on a physical level.
That tells me you know very little about attraction and what causes it. If you think just physical attractiveness does it then you're wrong. How about his confidence, his self esteem, his sense of humor, his ambitious nature, how about his masculine nature, maybe he doesn't kiss anyone's ass, maybe he exudes charisma on a level you're not aware of.

Is physical attraction important, yes but I would rank physical attraction as the number one attraction trigger for men, not for women.

Does he make her feel good about herself when he talks to her?
Does he make her laugh, does he make her feel secure, is he manly man? Does he maintain good eye contact, does he have good body language? What are his communication skills like, when he talks does she enjoy listening to him?

Seriously I could go on & on about this but in a nutshell if you are judging or questioning how your wife could be attracted to "Mr.Puggy" based solely on his looks, then this is why you are losing the game. The way a man carries himself, his behaviors, trigger more attraction & security in women than his looks ever will.

If you're a male calvin klein underwear model but a total wuss & wimp, I guarantee you, the women won't be banging down your door once they get to know you. Even if you were hung like a horse, take into account, you're not having sex 24 hours a day, you will have to fill up that time with something other than the human tripod act ;-)

Change the way you look at things and things suddenly appear to be much different.

[C-Bart]

Rob,
Your spot on here. Men tend to think we all have to look like Brad Pitt in order to be a success.

It would be interesting to get some of the women on here to comment on your post. I wouldn't be surprised if they echoed you thoughts. You must have studied with Dr. G.

[Serenity13]

Today I am going to agree with Rob...

As a woman I look at the whole package, not just the looks...

My H isn't a Brad Pitt lookalike...

He is shorter then me, is going gray etc...

However as the whole package, he was "it"...

He was kind, considerate, loving, a wonderful friend to all who he encountered, had great manners and could always (no matter what) make me smile (Now I just want to vomit but that is besides the point)...

He made me feel like I was the only one who ever mattered in the world no matter what we were doing or where we were at.

That is what made him attractive to me - Not his face - Him as a whole.

[patpat]

S2

I know, I know, I know.... I just got excited when the phone rang. Weak moment. I know busy, busy, busy! I was actually and stopped what i was doing...at work.

I will do better and let her ask the questions... as usual, you are right.

Yes, she did say that the other night, she brought it up this time again. She asked me how church was yesterday as she was not there. Wondered if all were talking about her. They weren't. Service before X-mas, was very jacked for me seeeing everybody there happy holding hands with their families and me by myself. I was strong and got thru it.

She went on to say that she wanted to get back into church after the holidays, that times were just too hectic right now with school and work etc.... but went on to say that if we did go back to church together, it probably would not be at our home church.

I hope you as well as myself are correct about it being salvagable. It is my motivation. But as always, you are correct and I will heed your advice and buck up! Thanks S2

BTW... I wrote at Sandi's Place... check it out.

[patpat]

S2

I am not sure I fully understand what you mean being friendly but not being friendly. I am not seeing the difference. I undrstand not getting mad or pouting, but explain the other..

And I will work on detaching... that is going dark right!

Advice/ suggestions

[sandi2]

You know how you can act in a friendly manner to somebody you were just introduced to? However, you are just being nice b/c it doesn't mean you and that person are "friends". That what I meant by acting friend....ly.

There is a difference in going dark and detaching, IMHO. You can live under the same roof and emotionally detach from the other person. Going dark is a DB term that means you stay out of sight, no contact at all, etc. Going dark is more extreme.....thus the word of "dark" b/c they don't see or hear you.

[patpat]

Hey robx

I am not that shallow. I was being descriptive based off his looks from a thread to Dane earlier on my stich. I just replied to the wrong person "Soleil" when it should have been "Dane"

Regardless, I know all those things you mentioned about attraction....and you are correct about each and every one. And he may be all those things, but he is not.

I know people who know him. I stay clear of him. Just my way to stay out of jail. FYI, I am not losing the game.

Point in fact, he is funny looking. My W is not herself. And I believe that her attraction to him right now has nothing to do with him at all. He is just the odd man out in her circle of friends that hang to watch their college play ball. Unfortunately for me, I never choice to go since mine is a rival college and felt out of place. He was there, she was weak. He told her some crap, it fit. Bam, here we are.

Besides, over many years and convo with W, OM is the type of guy she would normally laugh at. I don't know

But ThanKs anyway.

[patpat]

robx

In my original reply to Dane, I stated:

I do not see the attractionm however, I've heard it is not always about the looks... for woman.

So Yes, I understand the the F$^% may have some other qualities. Does not mean he isn't funny looking.

[sandi2]

Your spot on here. Men tend to think we all have to look like Brad Pitt in order to be a success.

It would be interesting to get some of the women on here to comment on your post. I wouldn't be surprised if they echoed you thoughts.

Well....since you brought it up. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman on the arm of an ugly man? Bet you have, and your probably wondered how in the world he got a girl like that to go out with him.


I don't know at the threads I've read from LBH's who say they don't know what his WAW sees in the OM b/c he is a slob, ugly, or whatever. The good looks are simply a "plus" but seldom play into the A of a WAW. If he looked like Brad Pitt, he probably wouldn't be going after a M woman.....but who knows what his moral character might be. It may be different things to different women, but I tend to think the OM usually fulfills an emotional need the WAW has.

I don't want to be unfair to any of the LBH's but I'll say that in "most" threads, the H will admit that there were some problems before he found out about another man being involved. Sometimes it's just the fact that life got the better of the couple and they weren't spending enough time together. Don't mean the LBH was a bad H, but some other guy stepped up and started feeding her whatever it was she needed. And....many times the OM is so opposite from the LBH.