I've been reading these boards for the last few weeks and I finally decided to dive right in. Unfortunately, my husband and I are already separated and life is “pure hell” for me, at best. I was, however, after the advice that my husband may be in the midst of a MLC, went in search of resources and found DB and DR and have read both cover to cover relatively early in the process of the marriage fallout. I was hoping to get some sound advice from those veteran DB-er's that have been at this longer than I have and may be able to guide me through this roller coaster ride! A brief time line of the situation:

May 2008: FIL commits suicide after a long battle with depression stemming from a brain tumor. This was a UTTER SHOCK to everyone in the family as we never expected this to happen. This also happens to be the first death that my husband had ever experienced in his life. He refused counseling after his father died and I tried to be supportive of his needs. “Whatever he wants/needs” was my daily mantra of helping him heal. This is where the MLC/depression for my husband began.

October 2009: The 1st was my birthday where my husband expressed his undying love for me and how he looked forward to the rest of our lives together. However, a few weeks later, he was going out to bars non-stop with a new group of friends that I did not know and virtually abandoned all of his old friends. Amongst these friends, was a 22 year old co-worker that I had met a few times and had even had in my home. A few days before his 29th birthday party on 10/24, he started to express to me how he had not accomplished all he had wished and life was short and he was dissatisfied. He now hates his job, the one that he used to LOVE. I then got the ILYBNILWY speech. I was in dismay and shock. How did we do a whole 180 in just a matter of weeks. I asked him to work on things and he even set up a counseling session for us. We went 3 times before he refused to go back. During that time, we were still together, but I asked him to please stop going out 5 nights a week and focus on our marriage. Might I add, he was also staying out all night long. He also wants to sell our home and just “go away”. And here comes the descent...

November 2009: On our 3rd counseling session, H tells MC that he is done and wants a divorce. MC didn't see that one coming nor did I. He dropped the D word without warning to me beforehand. I guess it was safe for him. A few weeks later, I discover the aforementioned 22 year old co-worker is more than just a friend, but a full blow EA. “She understands me”. Horrified I confronted him and begged, cried, and pursued as we have seen time and time again. There are some major blowouts over her. He moves out after the confrontation and is livid with me for “getting in his business”. He declares the marriage dead and spends the rest of the month angrier at me than I have ever seen him. Blows up at me and is just plain cruel. Rewritten our marriage to say that he has NEVER been happy.

December 2009: I read DB and DR and start visiting BB. I decide the LRT is right for my situation and husband starts being kinder. Declares he wants to be friends and even tells me his relationship with OW is over. That is a lie and I know this for a fact. I even let him spend the weekend at our marital residence while his brothers visit so they will not suspect we are separated. Caught him going through my phone because of my “getting a life” and going out with friends. He's wondering where I've been going, but I am vague at best. We have one more blowout about OW, because I just couldn't bite my tongue (stupid, I know!). He declares that he doesn't want to speak to me or even run into me in town until the new year. This was a Monday. By Wednesday, (OW was out of town), he called and asked me to dinner. He tells me how sorry he is and says that he has screwed up the best thing he ever had (me), but doesn't mention D word, but doesn't want to come home. He even invites me on a snowboarding trip in a few weeks, to which I reply “I don't know, I will have to get back to you on this”. Also, in the past week, he has come over to the house for silly reasons and is calling more often. His tone is softer with me, although I know the OW is still in the picture and he spends the night at her house. I don't know where to go from here. He even brought me things to the house when I was ill (something that was unfathomable a month ago when he “hated” me, his words). In the meantime, he has set up and appointment with a realtor to sell the house. That's been 2 weeks and he hasn't mentioned it or sent me anything from the realtor, although he said he would a week ago. He also has not taken any of his paychecks from being deposited from our bill paying account, just a little each week to live on.

Are these baby steps? I don't know what's going on here. By “going dim”, is this allowing his affair to grow? So confused as I have not brought up other woman since the last blow out a few weeks ago. Please let me know your thoughts on this situation. Sorry it's such a long post, but this is actually the condensed version. smile Calling all DB-er's, am I doing the right things? His actions are so confusing as he is angry with me and now almost euphoric with me now since I am being his friend and yet he is still seeing OW. Help!!!