He tried to console (sp?) me but instictively I pulled away.
K, Would you rather that H not have shown any compassion? I agree with Mishka - try to fight your instincts when he's responding positively. I did the same thing with my H for months when he tried to get closer because there were still so many unresolved issues, secrecy, lack of openness but it wasn't until I started to become receptive (even when it was going against my instincts to allow it), that things slowly started to improve. In my sitch transparency is still not there but I've seen improvements and I know I have to focus on the positives if this R is going to work..
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Kalni... reading along. Sounds like things are on an upswing! Own your part of the process. Happy Holidays! You keep me challenged, laughing, and hopeful.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Not entirely sure what your discussion was about. Sounds like he maybe agreed to some of the transparency stuff you requested? Either way, honesty is a good step. As is him trying to console you! That action definitely tells you what's in his mind! As hard as it might be, pulling away def doesn't help the R progress. But I'm sure you know that.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah, I know. But sometimes I feel like he shouldnt be allowed near me, he inflicted so much pain, his "support" seems... fake. I guess he may be feeling something similar too. VERY complicated situation... sigh!
I made chicken soup and fixed my closet. 2 more days and then I go back to work on th 4th! I invited H's friends over for lunch on Sunday, they have never come to my house. He seemed to really like my suggestion. Dont know what I will cook yet though. Suggestions are welcome!
We discussed him staying over thru Christmas. This back and forth makes no sense. It will be some sort of trial only we didnt call it that. It just came up in the discussion (he was saying he needs to go to his place to change etc etc and maybe he should bring some clothes over for the holidays...).
If I could decsribe my state of mind with one word, I would say scaredchitless (2 in one-LOL). K
