I will make it. We will make it. I even had a few minutes here and there that I enjoyed myself this weekend. I took S to some snowmobile races this weekend. S started getting sad that W wasn't there though.
I had been at a loss as to what to do about a Christmas gift for her. I decided that I would put together a little stocking for her to be from S and me. Nothing special, just a few little trinkets.
I wish I knew where this was headed. I am moving on as if we are D'd. W said she doesn't know what she wanted but wasn't planning to file when I told her that she may as well just go do it a couple of weeks back. It seems as if we have just moved onto a different stage of limbo.
In reading your post, I just realized something about the saying "It takes 2 to make a M work but only 1 to take it apart." Well, you and me, and many others here, can be the 1 to take it apart. Not that it will be pleasant, but we DO get to decide if we want to stay in limboland. Only takes 1 to leave that place.
As for the present for W, I plan on taking the kids shopping and let them pick something out. It will be from the kids ONLY. My name will not be on any presents to her. This may surprise her family, but that's their problem.
And W is not expecting a present from me as she has already told me she does not plan on buying ME anything, but will let the kids pick something out for me. Thanks honey.
Your choice on the present. I am just trying to "keep it realer" than W. If this is what she wants, I will not placate her any longer by pretending to be her H.
I completely get where you are coming from. I'm going with a little something for two reasons.
1) I know that she bought me something. I saw the credit card bill. It was bought before she moved out. 2) I will do it because that't the kind of guy that I am. I know that I will never beel bad about getting her a small something. That's me. I am the good guy. I don't let her take that from me. She can reject it (like she did the anniversary gift that I got her this past summer...out 10th), but I feel it is the right thing to do in my sitch.
As far as being the one to take it apart - I never wanted it to come to me being the one who made that move. I don't see that anything will ever change if I don't. Heck, W started texting me from her !@#$#ing GF's house just a few minutes ago. She still doesn't get it! It appears it will come down to me. My goal will be to give it one more month before I make any moves toward it or bring it up in discussion.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
As far as being the one to take it apart - I never wanted it to come to me being the one who made that move. I don't see that anything will ever change if I don't. Heck, W started texting me from her !@#$#ing GF's house just a few minutes ago. She still doesn't get it! It appears it will come down to me. My goal will be to give it one more month before I make any moves toward it or bring it up in discussion.
Just saying that at this point, she might be content to stay right where she is. She has paid little of a price for it. And I don't want to be the one to push things along, but I won't stay in limbo.
I'm not far from being that one. I have been a beggar for far too long. The situation has made me a better man, but it's also made me a bitter man. I need to know when to say when.
Either it will smack her in the face and wake her up, or we get a D. I think that I am at the point where I can handle either. Like I said though, I will give it some time before making any movement in that direction...for now.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I've been keeping busy. I took S to a Christmas Eve church service with some neighbors today. Weird to go do stuff like this w/o W. Still, I have to keep moving on with my GAL efforts.
S is here at home with me tonight. W is sitting alone in her new place tonight. (I think she's alone at least) She was here to drop off S earlier. She's still a robot. I had a friend over. After she left he was like "what the hell was that?" You'd think we were good buddies when she talks. I think I'd rather have there be some overt uncomfortableness between us when we talk. At least it would feel honest.
I've kept it pretty distant this past month since she's been gone. On occasion she has brought up something rom our past and spoke about it like as if things were normal between us. I wonder so often if she feels ANYTHING. Out of nowhere last night she sent me a "Good night. Have good dreams," text. I responded a simple "thanks. U 2." Honestly, my initial reaction was a bit of a 'screw you.' I have been fighting serious resentment.
Tonigt I sent her a "Good night, Merry almost-Christmas" message. She responded and said that it made her cry.
It's strange to handle buying presents, wrapping them, putting out Santa cookies and presents under the tree all without the wife. I am holding up OK though. I still wand Christmas to be as good as possible for S.
I think W wanted to to Christmas morning all together. She hinted, but didn't actually ask. I wasn't really open to the idea. I have S in the morning, she has him for the rest of the day tomorrow. They're heading up to the old home town to see her family tomorrow afternoon. Ill head up to see my parents on Saturday.
Its all still a little strange. As Coach says though, I can handle it. I honestly feel sad for W at this point.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
We're all back in the old hometown. S spent last night here with W at her parents' house. I just picked him up. She was a total robot at the handoff. Nothing...absolutely nothing there. No emotion. She's dressing like a little kid again. And the cherry on top? ...my formerly sweetheard of a wife has gotten in two blow out arvuements with her mother since last night. She's such a headcase anymore.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
S is with me tonight. I was out with old friends this evening, while S played with his cousins (my sister's kids). We're both at my sister's house now and S couldn't sleep. He was missing W.
He called to talk to her...after midnight. It was really quite sad to hear him talk a out how he missed her. I could kind of make out what she was saying too since the phone was loud. They both sounded so sad...
Ieonder if she will ever come back from this fog. At least she didn't would like a robot this time.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
