Years of smothering the other person in a R is not good.....IMO. It is hard b/c you have made that your "life" and it is so much a habit that you barely know how to get through the day anyother way. It is better to do it now, than have a D do it for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
