K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[jon2911]

[quote=CityGirl]
So often (in most cases I think and certainly in my own experience) the WAS wants the perks of marriage and family when it is obligatory (holiday, b-day or they need help/support) but when they don't want it, they just blow you off. It is of my opinion (and yes, we all have opinions) that so many LBS's block their own healing and forward movement when they allow the WAS to have the perks of marriage and family when they choose. Your W has opted out of the perks of a marriage and in tact family on a full time basis so when she is included she should be treated with the same courtesy you would treat any other random guests but not doted on or coddled as a spouse.

I've got to disagree with this, especially the last part, but I'm open to discussion about where you're coming from CG. There's a lot of consternation about "cake-eating" here on the boards, but I don't recall anything in MWD's books or articles that has this perspective. In fact, it seems to be the opposite:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/a_while_spouse_decides.htm

Dealing with a WAS is like dealing with a schizophrenic person. Sometimes they want to act like a spouse, sometimes not. Birthdays, holidays, weddings, these definitely cause them to start missing us, which I don't think is a bad thing.

And statements like "clean your house, Kev, for YOU", I understand what you're trying to say, but as a guy I could give a crap if my house is perfect, and neither could my friends. It's only when a woman is involved that we start to care. Part of the whole problem? Maybe, but just reality.

I really think this is progress for Kev's wife. She hasn't filed for D, and they'll be together at Christmas. Do all the things you're planning Kev, she WILL notice, and even if she doesn't stay with you, they'll help with another woman down the line. That, to me, is the essence of DBing.