feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

Thank you SO MUCH for the list of things you did! great job!

fyi, be careful on the reatil therapy...it is just temporary relief, but it can help no doubt, just don't want it to become a habit because that can be bad too.

hear everything he says as a slap in the face. I've been a good wife - I've been faithful - I take care of EVERYTHING here - he works and that's it. I'm ONE person doing everything. I am taken for granted. Thats my rant.

this is because you are in bitter land. I was a good wife, I was faithful, I took care of everything...my life was just like yours, (and that's why I couldn't see anything H did was good), but that's not why they married us, they M us for US, so start getting YOU back.

G said, what is at home that makes him want to be there. right now? nothing.

you are so down on yourself calling yourself the "lousy wife". (I know you were putting those words in his mouth, but your speaking them out of yours). Start BELIEVING you are a great wife, and start loving yourself and caring for yourself. and stop doing everything. FYI, just because you feel like your doing everything, doesn't mean H doesn't feel the same. He's never been in your shoes, and neither have you in his. you really need to pick up FOR WOMEN ONLY. A man has tremendous pressure as the provider, and even if they aren't the primary provider, they STILL put this pressure on themselves! Remember, even though you think H is purposely trying to hurt you (which I don't believe it is on purpose) you could be doing the exact same thing to him. We all have different perceptions, and that's what matters. what you do to him may cause him horrible hurt, but if he does it to you, you wouldn't care. and vice versa. so don't expect that it is only you who is hurting.

HURTING PEOPLE HURT OTHER PEOPLE

FYI, When we take care of ourselves, it will help release the bitterness, and that is what you need right now.

and seriously luv, do you really think him bringing the wine, talking to you, making you coffee, giving you a kiss, were all evil plans in his mind??

look, he's probably doing the same as you, thinking, oh she's probably going to be mad at me, and then what did you do...you validated it. I have a feeling he is pretty apprehensive of you, and for a guy to share his feelings (unless he's not the norm) that is really hard. BUT, you did really really good when you remained calm and validated, I'm really proud of you for that.

if you need to step away from him for a while, that is okay, you've got to get yourself emotionally ready to see the steps he is making to try to fix things.

everything G said is right, keep listening, and take the action you need to take to get on the right path.

Great input - I totally hear you ST.

Remember my H is not trying and is just going through the motions. He hasn't even implied that he wants things to be better.

I know what I need to do now. I just went through a horrible month of mourning my marriage ending and now I'm feeling a little numb. I want to love my H and I want more than anything to stay married but I cannot take his punishment anymore. The lack of affection and care for how I am feeling is making me dead inside. Maybe this is not what I want.

I dunno...the rollercoaster of feelings are making me sick and I wanna get off.

I read and re-read your prospective and I'm listening. I'm not going to be stubborn anymore.

Thank you ST.