i haven't suggested a time yet. looks like i'm going to have to.
i don't think he understands how exactly he's going to demonstrate his feelings. in the past, all he's had to do was to declare love and we would reconcile.
he's not going to read my mind to know what he needs to do. how am i going to get that across? do i even do something about that now?
is this the time to ask for what i want? do i spell it out?
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
no mention of what i wrote in the msg, not once but twice i sent.
he's going off of what worked in the past, and i have not taken it. it's like oh jstar i've come out saying you are my wife, i love you, i'm gonna give you money so can i come over.
he doesn't even say or ask hey can we get together to talk, lets try again, go to counseling,
before in early nov when we kind of were talking, he asked what would be dif about this xmas, and i said nothing because you are frozen by fear and live in a box, you will continue to do the same thing when you have all the power to change the situation.
that is exactly what he is doing. i'm not buying his drop off money, the one msg of i love you or returning his calls. it's like jstar support means money so if i give you some then i can see my kid.
i feel like sending him a msg saying, obviously you have no clue what showing me and these kids what genuine respect and support is, i wish happy holidays and out dark again.
never once in all of this has he genuinely asked how the dr appointments have been going, as a matter of fact we go today for another ultra sound and next day back to ob.
i'm sure he will send something today or he is just going to give up and have no contact at all.
suggesting a time to visit, maybe, i feel like if i do he will show up, but i also feel that d2 and i have to be late, and leave early.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
obviously he doesn't view anything as anything, just him being selfish in what he wants when he wants and be darned of who it effects or hurts. still the same selfish jerk he always is.
cultural difference, his stupidity, missing a certain chromosome, or he's just plain ordinary stupid.
he has had every emotion i think that a human can. even though he has forgotten for 2 weeks he blew me d2 off completely, thinks that he can still walk all over me and i'm getting tired of his crap though.
he keeps reverting back to when i would send him a msg about threatening so this child even likes it if he gets negative attention.
the cops all ready thinks he's lost it with the way he spoke and what he said to them on friday night.
i feel like sending him a msg, saying i understand that one day you feel anger, next love me, want to know if i miss you, think supporting this family is all about money and that is clearly not entirely it.
when you call/text with your emotions all over the place changing from one second to the next it makes me feel you are unstable. i hope you take this time to solve some of your problems and when you geniuniley demonstrate support and respect for me, d2, and baby we will speak to you, until then we will not participate with your behavior and poor choices.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i'm in a different place or just realized certain things. I spoke with h via text msg, he says he was trying to approach me, doesn't want divorce, wants to work it out, but next says i'm mean, never will change, that i need counseling, says he will never give me a divorce, asked to go to lunch.
i declined his offer for lunch said i had plans, sent him bunch of text and i don't see anything different in him.
i really don't think it will change. i am going back dark and at this point really leaning towards filing for divorce.
all the things he says is about how everythng is my fault, how he does no wrong and i don't think he will ever see that the failure is 1/2 his.
on a seperate note, my lil baby weights 4 pounds, i have approxiamtely 57 days till he's going to join us. next ob appoitnment in 2 weeks i need to give a date of which day i would like him born on.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Now, back to business at hand! When he says that its all your fault, do you argue it, or do you validate? You dont have to agree- or take the responsibility, but its pretty harmless- even helpful to tell him that you understand how he feels that way. I think that we forget to be more aware of what our spouses are going through- not to minimize what he has put the 3 of you through, but I think that just by minimizing their experience, as unimportant, or as not nearly as bad as what they have put us through, we do ourselves and our marriages a disservice.
I think that we can all use a little more skill at that kind of empathy.
Did you tell him that if he wants to work it out, counseling is non negotiable?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
yep it's pretty interesting how they can tell me how much he weights in utero. my ob asked what's up with him and i just say don't know. she says well you seem pretty fine with it and maybe i am to a certain point.
i need those skills in validating, major backsliding in our conversations. he's running for the hills at this time.
i was clear about expectations and he is not responding to it this time, i pretty much said he has two options and that im ready to move on with either one of them, probably came across as everything wrong in db. i told him he has 2 options, move back into home seperate bedrooms, committ to me this marriage these children, counseling every week, set boundaries with his parents and work each day on this marriage to repair the damage we both did, or we divorce.
with what is coming up here in 56 days, the birth of my son i need order routine and calmness. i don't need to be worry about me hurring up to get back to work so i have pay, who is going to care for lil man, rushing around to get them delievered to child care, back at work, home to take care of house dogs/cats, dinner for d2. i need peace of mind and if i'm going to do it all pretty much on my own, i need to get the plan as best as i can down now, in the unlikely event the son decides to join us prior to surgery date.
my job has to be arranged, fmla, long term sub, plans all of that and it's a lot to deal with, gonna deal with just need as many of the areas of my life taken care.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
yesterday last night it was all jstar i want to talk to you now it's him back to being dark, well i am leaning towards the side of just filing for divorce. as much as i want my marriage to work, i really don't think it's going to work in the long run. i know i should not be totally giving up but i feel this is going to be the reality of the situation.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
