Coach, thank you so much for stopping by my thread. I really value and respect your advice.
I think she is grieving the loss. I understand that she will need to process those feelings of withdrawal. Of course, I am keeping a weathered eye out too! I also think that she is starting to need me again abit. This weekend, I made it a point to be occupied, spending much time with the kids and in my own interests. As I mentioned, several times this weekend she sought out my company.I was also conspicuously absent for a time! I must pat myself on the back here for simply being present with her and not hanging around waiting for her to need me.
My questions for the experienced dbers is this: Do I now move forward with setting a boundry that she agree to work on our M or do I give her a bit of time here? Here is some more information: Last week was tense at best. She said a couple of times that she did not know how to work on our M. She has stopped D talk(when I told her that I was considering it in light of the relevations)(Her, "We aren't going to get a divorce because of OM." Me, "We may from my perspective. This is a fresh wound for me. I have some decisions to make here. But in the meantime, we are married therefore(boundries reiterated." Also, during this conversation I told her she was free to move out.) The next day, she changed tact, opting for discussion of S in the future at some point as a means for us to work on our R. She has said a couple of times that she doesn't know how to work on our R. Once, I told her that I knew what to do. My belief is I have a three step 1) End the A; 2) w gets IC(she says she has an appt in January); 3) then, we go from there(avoiding suggesting MC, but step 3 involves effective MC with a new MC.) Her response was that she hated it when I said I knew what to do because she did not know what to do for her.
So, what do you guys think? I am evidencing some big changes in myself,I am showing confidence, self respect and assertiveness. Also, it seems I am getting some movement back toward the R and certainly away from D. Do I continue to show my strong hand but once she brings up our R, then assert a future boundry about reconsiliation?
