It's automatic when you feel it

[Young at Heart]

[quote=Kettricken]RE: your wife's apparent embarrassment with matters sexual.

Think back to all your infidelities. Were you in a hurry to come forward to her about them? Or were you worried that she would reject you? blame you? judge you? hate you? be hurt? How incredibly hard was it for you to come forward?

Can you imagine that she might feel the same way about openly displaying her sexual self to another person?

You would say and I would say that it's not the same thing at all. But to *her*, it might be.

I'm not saying "give up", at ALL ... but imaginative empathy is always in order.

It may be that you gotta give to get. Not openess with your sexuality, but openess and honesty with her in the areas where YOU feel vulnerable, scared, and less-than. Not to the degree where you become a sniveling weak weasel of a man .... but simple revelatory honesty. Sometimes, it does evoke the same. /quote]

OK, I gotta know what you mean! Please help me understand.

Even when I have asked, my wife will not wear heels and a slinky robe to bed. If buy her anything slinky it is a fight. If I suggest she dress in something slinky before she get's into bed that she already owns that I find sexy, it is a fight. She has told me that she has body self-image issues and I can say that I believe her. I complement her on those parts of her body that I find attractive and tell her that I do have strong feelings of desire for her. However, it is flanel and lights out before any kissing or hugging and then it is take the flannel sleep shirt or top & pants off briefly to have intercouse, have her cuddle a moment or two, put all the flannel back on, get up go to the bathroom and then come back to bed and GO TO SLEEP!

I have never had an affair of either the heart or physically in 38 years.

I think I can understand the concept of sharing shameful or hidden feelings.

Could you please expand on what kind of openness and vulnerability you think would allow a woman with body self-image problems to open up and satisfy her husbands desire for playful and varied sex.