A Choice

[patpat]

had a great day at work.

W called today. I did answer intentionally. Convo was much ado bout nothing.

I did ask her if she was serious about IC with pro MC after the holidays. She said yes. No other R talk beyound that.

W, I am sure, is still seeing OM. She has made no mention of OM, and I did not ask.

Only other thing W said really was when she asked about son's X-mas list. Son never ent her a copy via email as she requested. Told her not to worry, it was already taken care of. W asked what was on the list so I told her. One of the items was a new TV. W replied, well, don't let him get rid of the one downstairs. I asked why not, she said cuz it is better than the one in our bedroom. I calmly replied, would you like me to swap them out for you... she replied "I guess"

Do know how to recieve that.

I get the feeling she wants to talk more but not about R. I also get the feeling that she wants to come home, but she says she doesn't know. Mixed messages.

W likes a no pressure atmosphere.... I am constantly wanting to fix R, constantly wanted to talk about us. I find it hard to not let something slip out. Any tips...

Otherwise, I be chillin the rest of the day. Got a good book to finish, have not made plans for dinner yet and there is a good college b-ball game on later.

That will be my day with a small smile if I can muster one up.

[soleil]

I did ask her if she was serious about IC with pro MC after the holidays. She said yes. No other R talk beyound that.

Glad to hear she's up for MC. As for the OM, you've already told her that things won't work if she doesn't drop him.

W likes a no pressure atmosphere.... I am constantly wanting to fix R, constantly wanted to talk about us. I find it hard to not let something slip out. Any tips...

It sounds like you're doing a good job of it already by not bringing anything up. Keep up the good work. She knows that you want to work it out... Now the ball is in her court.

Am really rooting for you Pat.

[patpat]

Thanks Sole

I can help but feeling that I am fighting a loosing battle. In my heart, I know / feel we will be able to work our M problems out. But then, I do not know... pend to much time mind reading I guess.

I just hurt in my gut all day everyday. I put on the fake smiles for all to see because if I don't, it seems those around me get upset and starting telling me dump her, forget, and go find someone else.

But they are not me. They are not in my situation. They do not and will not understand until they experience this.... and I pray they never have too. But you know what, I bet they will. My goals are set, abd very clear to me. It will take time if it is to have a chance. But man, it sure does hurt.

Friends tell me she see him less and less, but she is still seeing him. Maybe that will change soon.

Come back and visit.... Thanks

[Dane]

Pat,
I pray for all of us LBS everynight. What is happening to us is so painful.
Good luck in your process, I pray you get what you want. Be strong.

[soleil]

Pat, everything you are feeling is normal during a separation.

You want to work it out and know you can (because what relationship isn't salvageable if BOTH parties are willing to put in their half?) The up and down emotions you are are also to be expected.

And you're right...nobody else is in your sitch but you. Nobody can comprehend what it's like so they of course wouldn't understand how you are feeling and that you don't want to just leave your marriage and call it a day. Tune out any negative energy or things you hear that you don't agree with. This is You-time.

Did you guys decide on a date or a counselor for MC?

[patpat]

DN

Up until a few months ago, I have always thought of myself as the luckiest man I knew.... as of late, there has been some doubt. I have never felt like this ever before in my life.... but I know I will be fine. I have been and will be prepared for whatever outcome. However, when I tell myself that, I once again believe I am the luckiest man I have ever met. See him everyday in the mirror. And I am, I do not believe this is over by not means. I have known W so long, just lost her somewhere. I will find her. I will study her and find out what emotional need OM provides for her. I will make it my habit and compete.

Besides, I have seen this guy. YUCK.

I don't see the attraction but have heard it is noty always about the looks... for woman.

Thank you for your prayers. We all can use them. I will pray for you 2! I will also go and check out your stich.

Good luck to U 2 DN

[soleil]

Besides, I have seen this guy. YUCK.

Always a plus. Ha!

[patpat]

W has not set a date. W was the one that brought it up, about going back. I did ask if she wanted us to go together. She said not at first. This was a week ago.

Spoke to W this morning and asked the same question. She said she has not called yet. Will wait until after the holidays.

W is pretty go bout keeping up with things. I believe she will go. I think once she gets in there it will help. originally she stopped going when she found out her C was pro M. He told her she was wrong for leaving the R for another man and that was the last time she went back in Nov.

W also stated that she would like to get back in church. She must be feeling guilty. I asked when she'd like me to pick her up. She again said, she does not know but maybe start going back after holidays, but not to our church. Stated she ran into other woman from church and prob would not feel comfortable going back there. Does not want to be constantly judged.

She followed with, we will have to deal with that when we decide to go back to church. She said she would hate to uproot me from those that have been offering me so much support...

Inside, I smiled.... I did not even know she knew about all of you guys here! That funny right there.

And ya know, I do believe my M is salvagable. W and I have always been strongpeople. We both just got lost in life. W's expectations/fantasies of how her life and M would turn out may not have measured up. The little girl fantasies are prob a let down. But if she looks really hard, she'll see the nice home, nice car, dog in the yard and a man that has loved her before he even knew how to breathe.

I'm prayin she sees.

And ywes, I will tune out the neg energy!

[patpat]

Funny thing is, is that he is puggy... hairy with sideburn and walks funny.

Yeah though, definately a plus. SIL just does not see it.

W is gonna throw up when the fog clears....

[sandi2]

Spoke to W this morning and asked the same question. She said she has not called yet

You are pursuing when you do that. Don't bring it up anymore. And.....stop chit-chatting on the phone. Remember, you have a busy life! You don't have time for her. You are suppose to be "unavailable" to her. When she calls and doesn't have anything important to say, you tell her you were on your way out the door (or something) and is there something she needed to say.

Pat......let her be the one to ask questions. You were asking too many questions and getting her to talk.

W also stated that she would like to get back in church. She must be feeling guilty. I asked when she'd like me to pick her up. She again said, she does not know but maybe start going back after holidays, but not to our church. Stated she ran into other woman from church and prob would not feel comfortable going back there. Does not want to be constantly judged.

Did she say all of this when she called you on the phone? B/c she had already said that when the two of you were standing in the rain that day.

I do believe my M is salvagable.

Oh, I do too! Just as long as you do not tollerate her including OM in her R with you. I am a bit concerned. Remember when I told you she would test you? That phone call may have been a test to see if you will be friends with her. She may have been taking your temp, so to speak, to see if you were going to be friends with her. She may even test you to see if you'll be friends and still allow her to keep OM.

Be careful.