OK I have one more question that I would appreciate input on.
My H has been coming to terms with some of the realities of the dysfunctions in his R with OW and her own personal dysfunctions. Since ending the A H told me (rather sheepishly because he is quite ashamed by it) that OW actually treated him really badly. He has had to come to terms with wondering if she might be mentally ill, have a personality disorder etc. Some of the behaviors he described to me are pretty shocking to me, and I am still stunned that my H put up with this, allowed himself to be treated like this, and for almost a year chose this over me.
But... as I've read more about A's people often are drawn to someone the opposite of their spouse and this is certainly the case. I am pretty soft spoken, gentle, caring... etc. OW is aggressive, abusive, but also extremely outgoing, fun, flirty, adventurous etc. (which is the part he was drawn to obviously).
Anyway.... My question is about my H's process in coming to terms with this. He is in IC and is doing a lot of this processing there. But, he still needs to talk with me sometimes about OW and all these negatives. He tells me it helps him tremendously to detach from her to do this with me, because he needs to see my strong reactions, to remember how "aggregious" everything was. He says she had a way of "normalizing" her bizarre and abusive behaviors and he is finding it hard to break out of that and remember what normal, healthy R's are like again.
So, to me it feels like he is almost "obsessed" with this at the time. He has maintained NC since ending the A. She has attempted contact but he has ignored. But, he wants to talk about OW and the A a lot. It is mostly the negatives.... but it is, of course hard for me.
He is good about respecting it when I've had enough or find it too hard. And, I do tell him when that is the case.
Is this normal? Is this part of his grieving/letting go process? Do I just wait it out? Should I be worried that he is still talking about her so much?
