A lot of it comes down to I really want a second chance to see -- now that I've learned how I contributed to the discontent -- if we can do it right.
I just won't be able to understand why I didn't get a second chance.
CTH - I so badly want this too. Just be prepared that it may or may not happen. And sad to say the understanding may never come either. But right now I still have hope I just don't know how long this hope will last.
Originally Posted By: mishka422
IMO, pursuing. You initiated a non-kid related convo. However, if she doesn't retreat after that then good for you in connecting to her in a non-threatening way.
I agree with Mishka. Text = pursuing.
Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
I don't know how much more she can retreat. We NEVER talk about anything other than the kids any more.
Same as my sitch. We NEVER talk about anything other than the kids either. I keep waiting for H to initiate a non-kid related comment or conversation. So far it hasn't happened.
Have a good weekend CTH.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
Made it in to work. W called several times yesterday because D10 was sick as well. She was trying to see if I could go over there this morning because the lady she hired for the week to watch them couldn't get there until 10 a.m.
I told her I had a very busy week this week.
That was about it.
I am about 2/3 of the way to saving my legal retainer. More and more I am giving up hope and leaning toward filing after the holidays.
In the entire time I've known W I can't remember very many times where she admitted she was wrong and I can't EVER remember her admitting she was wrong and swallowing her pride and working through the issue.
We've left churches, pulled kids out of schools and stopped socializing with friends because of W's self esteem/pride issues.
What I'm saying is even if she eventually realizes I wasn't the reason she was unhappy and she does love me, she'll never admit it to me.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
We've left churches, pulled kids out of schools and stopped socializing with friends because of W's self esteem/pride issues.
IMO that's not pride. Anger, lack of self-confidence (they might see the real her), passive-aggressive, pessimism and lack of self-love (shame/guilt).
Model compassion, forgiveness, assertive behavior, optimistic thinking and true giving for her.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
What are her parents like? Opinionated, very strong-minded about what is right and wrong, very unforgiving, of the mind-set that people can't change, everybody is out to screw you, very religious, handed out strong punishment etc...
She has not seen forgiveness, compassion, problem-solving, mercy or unconditional love before. So to tlead your family you must demonstrate that it is possible to do these things and not lose your sense of self.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
In the entire time I've known W I can't remember very many times where she admitted she was wrong and I can't EVER remember her admitting she was wrong and swallowing her pride and working through the issue.
Eh. That's the worst. It's sad for her, isn't it?
CTH, hope you're feeling better today and drinking lots of fluids.
Her mother is very opinionated, carries grudges and, yes, everyone is out to get her. This is the person W now spends the most time with outside of the girls.
Her mom, though, I think wants us to stay together.
Coach, there is such a fine line between unconditional love and cake eating. How do you figure out the difference?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Coach, there is such a fine line between unconditional love and cake eating. How do you figure out the difference?
People let their spouse "cake-eat" becuase they are afraid - might push them away if I set a boundary, don't want to rock the boat, look controlling, what if they choose the OP?
Love means telling someone you are out of line (discipline with your kids) or a 2x4 here. You also have to love yourself enougth to not be walked on. Love is based on doing what is right no matter the circumstance.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
