WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[MHL]

You are a brave man. I don't know if I could handle eight hours together with my W. Would cause too much pain.

CTH, you were right, Saturday was like overdosing on a drug even though I was working the whole time. Watching what I said, focusing on her, no R talk. At times it was hard, at one point my W asked if I had heard the latest joke about Tiger Woods!!! I was astounded that my cheating W would bring this topic up, I bit down hard on my tongue and responded as if everything was normal. Yesterday, Sunday morning started out okay and I had a very PMA, but later on the withdraw symptons hit me hard. I was trying to get things done around the house and I found myself curled in a ball crying multiple times through out the day, but I overcame and got it out of my system and felt better after. Today, still some lingering symptons but I have too much to do for Christmas to have time for that crap.

so like im saying she might not be with OM right now but if she is like my WAW she will be with in the year.

So my best and I mean best advice is GAL dont pretend.. find what makes you happy, dont let those thoughts get to you too much.. I had them and still do.. the OM can bring you to your knees but keep at it you will get past this. you will be a better person.
(I know this is a broken record but really... she needs to chase you... you need to worry about your hobby, kids and job befor her.. she is the bottom of your list of to do! and she needs to see this, not in a hey look im ignoring you!... )

WL2009, I am pretty sure OM #2 is out of the picture for now. I especially around the holidays. He is separated from his W but they are working on their M of 21 years with 2 kids also D18 S20. The W of OM #2 caught my W and OM in the bed together on Nov. 19 (see beginning of this thread). He realized that he still loved his W and that he made a mistake, I talk to his W occassionally, to see how things are going.
I think my W still communicates with OM #1 who lives 2 hours away but he may be in a R of his own right now with some other woman. Don't know, don't care. I am GALing and "acting as if" on advice from my DB coach, but her advice is different from what I see here on the boards, and granted everyone's sitch is different so I am not implying that any one course of action is right or wrong.

I think my W is planning on going to spend New Year's Eve with OM #1, or at least she is planning on seeing him. She told me on Saturday that she is thinking about going to Greensboro to see a friend whose mother died in October to spend New Years Eve with her and a couple of other friends. I don't beleive her but I did a 180 and said that sounds great! I did say in a joking manner that if she needed a date that I was available, no response from her.

My DB coach said that I am competing with any other potential men and I agree, I don't think my W is currently dating anyone nor is she out on the singles scene bars, clubs, etc. I am rediscovering the man I was so many years ago when we met, fun, generous, kind, caring, sexy, funny. I am going back and reading letters my W wrote me 18 years ago describing what she loved about me. I read "The Five Love Languages" last week, what an eye openner!!! I am finally speaking her language, "words of affirmation" and "recieving gifts". On Saturday, I used a lot of words of affirmation and I immediately saw the positive reaction in her. I am being very careful to not come across as clingy and desparate but instead just being the old me that she fell in love with when we met and that is making me feel better and I am finding myself again. The holidays are an opportunity for her to see the positive, permanent changes in me.

I am trying to have as normal of a Christmas for the kids as possible while my W is there at the house, which is difficult b/c D13 hates Mom for what she did and the lies she told. I hate to mend my W's fences but as long as my D13 hates her, my W will not miss the family. I am "acting as if" we are going to work things out and reconcile and get back together, even put my wedding band back on based on advise from DB coach. It feels right having it back on, it is making a statement that says "I am standing guard on our marriage even if you want out".

I know this is contrary to advice on the board to not give her access to me until she admits the wrongs of her adultery but the success stories I have read say that the past is the past and you have to suck up your pride and move forward. I think my W wants to be pursued and my DB coach agrees, I just don't need to actually pursue her, ask her out or ask her to do things together until we have firmly established the "friendship" again. Christmas provides a unique opportunity for us to be together without me having to ask her to be together. I plan to make the most of our time together over Christmas Eve and Christmas. I have revised my small goals again and I hope to see more positive baby steps, I hope I will be starting a new thread in the not to distant future. Merry Christmas.