Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

"Didn't you say he is married with three children? He's not going anywhere - whether he has the funds to do it or not. Men see themselves as providers ~ even if they are providers who have A ~ they generally don't leave."

Greek, you are right and deep down my W knows it. This is all about the EA for her. Based on jobs, he cannot move for a min of 2.5 years and she cannot move again (after this summer for at least 18 months) and there is no way for her to get assigned with him. So best case is 2.5 years before they can get together. Both are withing 4 years of being able to draw a retirement check, they won't lose that.
I'm ok with playing hardball with my wife, but just want a real effort from her on the M. We were separated from each other for 6 months this summer because of work. When we got back together, things weren't good. At one point, I blew up about all this on-line chatting with a guy that she was keeping secret from me. That's when she dropped the bomb that she was plotting to leave to didn't love me anymore. Since then, no real effort on her part on our M.
So firm boundary needs to be stop all contact or I contact OM's wife. Right?
Does this really work?

Next point - in part II of our conversation (she brough it up after kids in bed) she tells me that she has noticed the change and she doesn't even like a lot of the new me. She doesn't know who this is. What in the world do I do with piece of information?