Kevin... what if you knew that this was the last Christmas you would have on this planet. I know it's a morbid thought but lets just say this is the case. How would you spend it? Would you channel *any* energy towards your W who is seemingly a "lost cause" at this point or would you relish and soak up every minute of your children?
I would relish and soak up every minute with my kids as well as try to make things right/amends with my W and family before it being all over.
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It seems you are putting so much in place to WOW your W that you are missing the whole point of the holiday. JMO of course.
If you tell your W that 2+2=4 she is going to say that it equals 5. You keep throwing things out there to her thinking she will see things in a different way because you want her to.
Do you really think she cares what names are on what tags and if you put both your names that will indicate to her that you are still working on obtaining a "united front"?
Don't miss out on the true spirit of the holiday in order to WOW your W. You seem to be so busy focusing on the gamble you are taking the entire scope of what the holidays should be about is passing you right by.
I am not missing the point of the Christmas spirit. I intend to make it as great as possible for my kids. But I am also throwing in a gamble to see if there can be a turning point along the way. I could look at the streaks and cover 75% of the board based on history and still have her land on the 25%. It is a gamble. But either way, my girls will have a good Christmas and I will be a pleasure to be around with her family. Whatever the day and day after brings, it brings. But I will be able to say I took a shot with everything.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Stop lying to yourself. Everyone else here sees it.
YOUR intentions for YOUR gifts that YOU were giving to the girls. It had nothing to do with your wife.
Was there not talk on here about being united on the presents? Then what harm did it do to find out if that was going to be the case?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Now W wants me to sign over the title to the van that has been sitting in her drive way so she can sell it or get rid of it. I said sure. No problem.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Did you begin the process to settle your accounts so you are both 110% on your own financially?
She had no problem asking you to release ownership so she can do what she wants, now you do the same.
It's back to business for her. How is taking care of your business going?
I never said you would not make the holiday special for your children. What I said was it seems you are channeling so much energy into this gamble and reaching a turning point with your W that many of the small but beautiful joys of the holiday season are passing you right by.
Here you are trying to show your W that you are trying to be united with her on the holidays and her next text is about the title of a van. You and your W are at *very* different places right now. Maybe it will always be that way and maybe not. My point is you are seeking a turning point that may benefit the future and you are sort of forgetting about the present. And I don't mean that the holiday won't be nice for your children... I mean you are forgetting about YOUR present.
Did you begin the process to settle your accounts so you are both 110% on your own financially?
Not yet. It is on my mind.
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She had no problem asking you to release ownership so she can do what she wants, now you do the same.
It's back to business for her. How is taking care of your business going?
It is still on the wayside.
I never said you would not make the holiday special for your children. What I said was it seems you are channeling so much energy into this gamble and reaching a turning point with your W that many of the small but beautiful joys of the holiday season are passing you right by.
Here you are trying to show your W that you are trying to be united with her on the holidays and her next text is about the title of a van. You and your W are at *very* different places right now. Maybe it will always be that way and maybe not. My point is you are seeking a turning point that may benefit the future and you are sort of forgetting about the present. And I don't mean that the holiday won't be nice for your children... I mean you are forgetting about YOUR present.
I know that Christmas is about the birth and spirit of Jesus. Rememberence and celebration of Jesus. Loving and taking in the special time of year for all it is worth and giving of yourself to help others. It is about family and friends coming together and making special memories together.
Yes, she is in a different mindset than me. Nothing changed there. Something I noticed which I think I have noticed before is when her hair is down and done up, she has a completely different and almost cold attitude about things. But when her hair is pulled back and up and she looks casual, she is all of a sudden nice, warm, and friendly. I have noticed this many times in the past. It is none the less always interesting to see again. It is like Jeckle and Hyde.
But anyways, yes, I am more focused on gambling for a turning point than I am my own joy of the Christmas season this year. You are right in that. I am working hard to make it good for my kids and everyone else pretty much forgetting about myself other than trying to plant a seed that can regrow again down the road.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Ok - well, I am not really sure how else to progress this conversation forward so I will simply wish you a happy holiday.
To be blunt, my great concern is that you are so focused on planting a seed for regrowth with your W that you are NOT planting any seeds to regrow Kevin. IMO that has been the crux of the issue from the very start.
You openly said you are forgetting about yourself. I think that is a terrible injustice you are committing on Kevin.
You have been helpful. In all honesty, I am not forgetting about me because the effort I am putting forth if it pays off will be far more rewarding in the long run than what I could do for myself in the short run.
There isn't much left for me to do for myself this week. I have to get the place perfect, wrap gifts, keep eating healthy and working out and make sure I am dressed for success with the best attitude possible come Christmas morning. My joy will however be in seeing my girls have a great Christmas. To me that will be the most important thing.
I want to extend the invitation to W to let her know she is welcomed to join me and the girls for our Christmas Eve dinner. But I know better than to attempt that. And I know the rejection would hurt. So why ruin my mood on the eve of Christmas when I can enjoy it with my girls and take it in for all it is worth.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Merry Christmas to you to CG and everyone else on the boards.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You continue to miss the whole point everyone here is trying to get you to see. Motivation.
So with that, I wish you a Merry Christmas Kevin.
I couldn't be more motivated than I am right now. Merry Christmas to you as well Drew.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
