This whole thing is really testing my resolve. I have such an impulse to go to my W to talk and try to get the anxiety level down. I know it's just fear driving me, so I'm trying to tolerate it. She is actually reaching out a little bit herself.
She called yesterday to ask me whether I got our youngest daughter a particular gift. She was awkward about it, as I've made it clear I don't want to involve her in my Christmas with the kids. She asked timidly and nicely "Can I just get a yes or no answer to whether you got D a XXXXXXXX?" I replied "W, it's not a secret what I got the kids for Christmas, I just haven't talked to you about it because doing Christmas alone with the kids is hard on me." She commiserated "I know." She asked "Do you want to know what I got them?" I said "Sure." She said "I'll send you an e-mail, it's too much to list here on the phone, ok?" I said ok.
In response I rattled off the stuff I got for them. Included in my list of gifts for the kids were sweatshirts for the local Div I college team, the one whose basketball games I've been taking the kids to see with my friends. She curiously asked "So do you have season tickets or something? You've been taking the kids to a lot of games." I said "No, I get the tickets from friends, or friends of friends. If someone's not going to go, they ask if I'd like to have the tickets. Cost me money in food, but the tickets are free." She said "That's great." I said "Yeah, the kids love it."
So she's still trying to figure out what that's all about. Doesn't sound fully detached, but she does put up a front that she is okay with everything. I guess she's DBing very well. I'm trying to remember what she said a few months ago, when I had that same impression, that she was totally fine. I commented about how great I thougt she was doing, and she looked shocked and said "I'm barely making it through each day." I know she's under enormous stress, with the holidays coming. Truthfully, so am I. I know a lot of the people here are. :-(
