Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Not much happening here. I'm trying to detach and let go. Started reading Parents are Forever-about co-parenting after divorce. Now realize how very messed up may parents were through their long separation and final divorce.

Also identified some bad behaviors I had picked up from mom..trying to be aware and change.

No word from H all weekend, to me or the girls. H did stop in this morning about 30 minutes earlier than needed to pick the girls up for their dental appointment. He looked calm, and was calm-acting: like his normal self. Said he bought himself a new winter coat over the weekend and cleaned his cousins apartment and did laundry.

He is texting/talking to FB/HS friend some-going to see her son in a Dinner theater production next weekend(he posted on facebook)..

When H is "normal" I really get the sense that maybe that H just is a man who had an affair who doesn't love me anymore..that he truly has moved on. But then I think of the very MLC behaviors of his in the past:the BOMB, the rewriting history, the affair, the secrecy, the waffling, the depression,the replay, the anger/projection...and then I just get confused.

H offered to help me with some reorganization in the basement that I'm planning...I'm hesitant. I'm scared that the more contact we have right now, then something will go downhill, especially in a situation where there is past stuff to go through.