Who ever cooks makes for the both of you. So if he is making something he cooks extra and puts it in a tupperware container for you. You do the same for him.
Yes, BUT I have been cooking now 99% time. So how do I transition to sharing that responsibility with him? Please help explain. And do you mean literally scooping it into tupperware? I can envision cooking it but leaving it on the stove for him to help himself although that is how I have been doing it. So...?
I think it's time that I explain how I took him for granted. Now I do know that ultimately, HE is the one who is responsible fo his A, due to self esteem issues. But let me reveal my wrongdoings: 1) I worked 60hours per week (from 2004-2008; 2008 I slowed down and he started A) 2)I talked to fellow teacher girlfriends on the phone, venting, 3-4 nights per week 3)I neglected housework; we were 50% but b/c I worked so hard and was burned out, I just wanted to "veg" on the weekends and he silently picked up the slack 4) he cooked 90% time 5) he managed 100% finances/bills 6) he worked on house 7) he comforted/supported me 8) he listened to me 9) he spent time with me; we were joined at the hip
My contributions? Admiration-I expressed how grateful I was and let him know he did a great job at whatever he did. Companionship.Affection. Sex.(lots at first, then little, then working back up to "medium") Unconditional love. I planned our activities.
So yes, I contributed emotionally. But I neglected him when I worked extra and talked on the phone (minimum 45 minutes), and he took care of all the other stuff that goes into living with someone. He told me that he just did those things so they would get completed and he doesn't care who does it. But I found it hard to believe. I told him he would get resentful. I didn't know how to get closer to him; how to talk about feelings and fears and to ask him about his. We are both conflict avoiders.
Wow those 9 items.. Newmama. Its like looking in a mirror. Except housework I was 100% and the A.
Its very hard to be a giver all the time. It actually makes you depressed. The balance keeps shifting and shifting. So difficult to come out of. And after awhile you give up inside. Go through the motions. Every once in awhile you pop up and try to change everything. Nothing changes so you go back to giving and giving. As its the only thing you know and understand. You want to say something. But at the same time your just afraid, because you know the taker will just take the words and you are still left with nothing. You become very lonely with the woman you love. This carries on for a few years. Then one of you frack up and step out. Either the entitled one. Or the giver wants to be a taker for awhile. Take from the other and punish you by making you be the giver. I understand this very well. You were his bell and he loved you very much. So he planned doing things around making spare time to be with you. And it was not veg he wanted. But to do things together. I shelled. And he commited adultery. Both cries for change and help.
Comming from there.
I really think your 180's and Plan A activities need to be based around giving.
Not direct giving. But indirect giving. Cleaning, cooking, doing stuff around the house. Not vegging. Activities.
The cooking thing is easy.
Go buy those new glass tupperware continers with the snap lids. Get rid of all the old plastic ones.
Bring them home and the next 2 meals you cook. Cook enough for dinner and lunch.
When he gets home. Tell him dinner and lunch are in the fridge. Highlight the new containers you got. And talk about the snap lids and how stuff can stay fresh for a week.
Then do this again the next night.
Monitor results.
Then a few days later mention a meal of his you like and ask him if he makes it to make some extra for dinner for you and lunch.
Just leave it at that.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
