Dusk at Dawn.

[chatterbug]

I am not 100% understanding on your statement about escaping?

OM is a complete opposite of me.And the two quick promtions got ladybug thinking materialistic. She always had tendencies here. Bizzaro world. As ladybug was always about family and comes from humble background. OM comes from old money. Almost 10 years older. His wife is a well respected Doctor. Its a completely different world.

[b]I guess I am just saying she snapped.[/b] Self entitlement took over and then went on overload. It was all very quick. She did tell one of her friends that life was too stable, she was bored because of the security and just wanted to shake things up in her life. ( This was during the Plan A days where she was a cake walking queen and enjoying both worlds )

Escape...escape... from her troubles. She snapped you say, going for someone totally different, the OM also has kids(you both want kids) and she said she wanted to shake things up. I am sure you must know by now that As are about them, not us.

Although Dr. Harley makes a good point about BS contributing to conditions that made the A possible, time and again it has to do more with WS's insecurities.

So like in my WH's sitch, I think he had an early MLC and went for the bad girl he never got in HS and his true self worth is low b/c he was bullied. So he is subconsciously using OW to prove something to his self worth(falsely).

I just wonder if your W is using OM to escape b/c of his money and kids but why...what is the deeper issue? I mean my WH is getting party time and fake sex, but I explained the deeper issues (I suspect) above.

I know we aren't supposed to think about WS, but it helped me to be more objective AND to make sense of this traumatic event AND to reserve love AND to find compassion AND to have hope AND to find more patience when I really thought hard about why an otherwise admirable H is doing this.

Thanks newmama. I understand the affair is all on the WAS. I am just one of the bigger parts of the fallout from those poor choices.

As for thinking about ladybug and the affair. Brenda Lee's Always on my mind. Comes close But really a 3rd person perspective view now. I feel like I was not married some times. One day I may find out why. But if I do not that is fine as well. I have come to grips with my half of the marriage. Our problems were very minor in the big picture. The thing that shocked me was the speed of everything. How everything changed in 5 weeks. No build up. Just Wham. A black and white town.

Now its contact from her every few weeks. Trival stuff. But I am standing strong on letting OM give her all the emotional needs that she needs to survive. For I do know my wife very well. And she requires constant attention and affection. But it is the day to day little things in attention and affection that she craves. And she is very independent at the same time. As was I.
I see this affair running a normal course and ending. I think that she planned on having a quick affair for some danger in her life. Then she got caught up in it quickly and I found out right away. A very stubbern woman with pride. I also think that she thought I would chace after her instead of kicking her out and cutting off all contact with her. Removing myself from her script. As I said eariler. I think that when everything unravels she is going to hit bottom. She did some horrible things to me in those 2 months. I just took it. And I do hope she hits bottom. She needs to and fully diserves it. Not for me but for herself. Or she learns nothing from all this and is not worth a single breathe. Its hard to say that about a person I love deeply. But it is trurthful.