I never did find the OW, since this EA is out of state. I found a ton of info on addresses, phone numbers, etc. I used several techniques and all dead ends. They may well have divorced and she changed her name. The exposure to my wife, was met with bitter denial, some anger, attacks, blame, etc. I put up the boundary, I do not know if she is following it. I know we are not working on our marriage. Checking on the boundary would be possible, but to what end now? It would only hurt me more. I am prepared for the worst, but want to save my marriage. I was more extreme, shutting off her phone, cancelling CC all in my name.
