Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Greek - thanks again for the insightful advice. I did set a boundary but didn't spell out what I will do if she doesn't abide by it; I said I hadn't figured it out but all options were on the table...which really was the truth.
At present, we aren't really speaking, but at some point that has to change and she will ask, because she is aching to know. I can tell you her #1 fear is hurting him...I get the distinct impression she is the one that started this EA and got him into it, so she would feel guilty for ruining his marriage and kids. Therefore, I think your advice is probably spot-on...if she asks what i will do if she doesn't end it, I tell my W that I will contact the OM's wife. In the days of facebook, that is just oh too easy. Oh yeah, my W and OM are always on the FB with each other and my W won't even allow me access to her stuff. But she shows me occassionally (or at least used too...I'm sure no more of that after today...whatever!)