Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

TrentC - thank you. You're right, she had been thinking of leaving all along, had really pretty much decided too.

I agree its about our marriage not our careers. I've tried to tell her that before, I'll flush my career and start over, but its not about our marriage to her because she had moved past that.
I did set a boundary today - but I couldn't put it in terms of if she wants things to work out with me because she isn't in a place where she is willing to try to work on us. She has told me that many times. What she told me was that she would give it some time and try to get to that place. But today she admitted she really wasn't giving us any thought - and I told her that is because her thoughts are consumed by the OM.
I did tell her she had to cut it off with him or else she was moving out not me because she had the EA not me. I told her that I wanted to work things out between us and that if she put forth an honest effort and was working on us that I wouldn't hurt her...to include hurting him. She said what if I don't. I told her I don't know what I'll do because I'm deeply hurt and that will hurt me even more and make me angry that you have flushed over 14 yrs down the drain without giving me another chance.