So, after my very good day yesterday, today has been a roller coaster from hell.
I had a few more good moments - stood up to my in-laws and wouldn't let them disrespect me or my parenting choices. Called them on some things they knew I wouldn't allow but they did anyway. Kept my cool, was firm, but managed not to be totally witchy.
Took a nap this afternoon. The anti-anxiety meds do help with the over-the-top stress and the sleeplessness, btw. But I woke up depressed - like everything bad in my mind and my sitch had just been waiting for me while I slept.
And then at the kids' bedtime it all went wrong. S4 is totally out of my control. He screams and throws fits, hitting and kicking, refuses to stay in bed, pounds on door and walls. We've tried spanking, then we tried not spanking, I don't reason with small children, we've tried punishing by taking away stuffed animals he likes, we've tried cuddling him and asking what the problem is. Obviously all of this over time, not all at once...
And the more I think back, the more I realize the stealing has been going on for awhile too. At least a year! I'm taking him to my therapist ASAP, but I mean...he's 4!!!!
And I am sick to death of being the only parent in this. My H has been gone for about half S4's life and pretty much all of S2's and S1's. I did not sign up for this! I know that the military drags him away, and I have lived with that...mostly without complaining. That I get. But I feel like I'd trade him places in an instant! I'll go play in a war zone if I can just go away for awhile! Why does he get to go off and worry about no one except himself? When he's deployed, at school, and even now in AZ waiting for a house - he can do what he wants when he wants! I feel like I can't escape!
There was nothing right about my A; I know that. But I never dumped my S (we only had the oldest at the time) on my H while I ran off to play house with another man. My S was with me at all times. How dare he do this?!!
Btw, blue, no my H hasn't called or contacted me at all. I'm sticking with the DBing, but I often feel so hopeless, like this is exactly what he wants. How nice it must be for him to not have to think about me or be bothered by me and the kids.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
