Looking for Advice

[TrentC]

I had read a lot and had it scripted and today I couldn't take it anymore.

That's not entirely true, but not totally relevant right now.

She's thinking about leaving for good now.

She's been thinking of leaving all along. You didn't change that much.

I have the power and that is the only thing holding her here because I could ruin his career and her career. She says she doesn't care about hers, but does about his. The amazing thing is today they were texting about what he was buying for his wife for Christmas.

It's not about his career, or her career, it's about your marriage. Careers can change.

If she's worried about appearances, then now is a perfect time to set a boundary. If she wants to work things out with you, then she has to cut all contact with him. (This may include her finding somewhere else to work.)

If not, then she can find someplace else to live and you will file for divorce.

And you will let OM's wife know what is going on. She deserves to know what her husband is doing.

So now its like blackmail. So what do I do. If I tell her that I won't ruin his career or hers or tell his wife, she probably bolts and files for divorce. If I don't say that, maybe she stays but she is PISSED...thats no way to build a relationship.

You shouldn't give a rat's ass how she reacts to your response to her affair. And she's testing you; if you let her continue her affair, there is little chance she will stop it on her own.

She says she had decided to leave and that was that.

Then it doesn't seem like you have much to lose, do you?