Looking for Advice

[Deep]

Sorry you are here GW, but welcome. You've got Greek pitching in here and her advice is invaluable - if Coach pops by, you'll be very lucky too. Puppy seems to be absent for a few days, might be taking a break - go search his previous posts, there is a goldmine of advice there.

For now, basic things first. Calm down. You and your emotions are all over the place. Accept that that's going to take time, same with taking steps to move forward. So, give yourself time.

Take a good look at yourself. The entire relationship dynamic is revolving around your W now. You're allowing yourself to be controlled and dictated by circumstances and W. Start taking ownership for yourself and what you can control, and getting the rigth attitude towards what is outside that sphere.

Have you read DR and DB? You're going to hear these terms often - Detach, GAL, PMA, Boundaries. Coach has started great threads on Detachment and Boundaries - go read them.

In a nutshell, you start off with detachment. Respect yourself and project that. Your W is not going to view you with any positivity unless and until you do so. Ask yourself if you are going to continue to be a clingy, whinging H craving for contact and affection from W, or if (perhaps) you're going to be the GW who loves his W and kids, wants his marriage, is prepared to work at it, is an attractive man who respects himself, and will defend his core values no matter what.

That goes hand in hand with boundaries, which is a very personal thing. Have quiet time and work out exactly what you will and will not live with in your M, and decide what you will do if your partner violates that. Communicate that calmly, lovingly, and clearly to W. I would suggest that you include boundaries around OM as a priority. Your W is a different person (alien) in a love chemical induced fog and you gotta get her off that before you can even think of making any progress.

NOTE: you might want to gather enoughhard evidence of the A before you have this discussion with the W. Here is where advice from Puppy in other thread is so valuable.

Then detach. Work on yourself. Be strong, confident, compassionate. Be the better option. And let W work through the choices she will have to make.

Lots of details to be filled in by the vets here later I'm sure. I'm kinda "filling in" a bit for now. I feel your pain, confusion, I really do, many of us here would. If it makes you feel better, I was much more in a mess than you seem to be now at the beginning and I did not find DB or this forum till way after. You're going to find support here, come back for that and advice.
Cheers.

P.S. Believe NONE of what she says and part of what she does for now. Cheaters lie, never forget that.