IMO you have no reason to be embarrased about your old thread. I know it is a painful part of your life, but it had to happen. You know as well as I do that God allows some things to happen for a reason. This had to happen to you. Painful as it may be, it had to happen so that you would be the person you are today. It had to happen so H would have a greater love and more appreciation for the wonderful, beautiful 26 year old W the he has
Example: I have a friend that was raped. Ironically enough, she works at a Family Planning Clinic as a C for rape victims.
She worked this job a couple years, and then she herself was raped. Gang raped to be specific. Beating severely and left for dead. Took months for body to heal.
I saw her a couple of times, but felt weird around her because I did not know what she was thinking with regards to men. I did not think she wanted them around her while she was recovering.
Several weeks later, I happen by her work and she was outside eating lunch. I stopped by and said hello... and asked how she was doing. Of course she said fine. She asked me why I did not come around much while she had the time off work and I told her. I then asked her how she was feeling emotionally and how is she going to deal with her pain while continuing in her career field.
She said:
God has given me a Blessing that I could not understand at first, but through Prayer and God's Wisdom I have come to believe that I have experienced my last semester of the education in my career field. For years, I have been C'ing young woman who have been raped. I could not understand the emotions they were feeling and why I could not connect with them. I did all the was required of me thru years of training and learning, to include all the personal experiences that came with the job. Yet I could not connect with them. I prayed that I would recieve knowledge on how to better serve and connect with these young woman, some of which were young teens. Time passed and I forgotten about the request. Now, don't get me wrong, I was not praying to God for him to send somebody to rape me, but I was praying for the knowledge to better serve these women. Sometimes you have to be careful what you ask for.
After she was raped and she said she was being C'ed. It came to her. God had allowed her to have what she needed. She told me that what happened to her had to happen. She was not angry at God for allowing this to happen to her although she said she had her doubts. Until her first C'ing session after returning back to work.
She told me God had a plan for her and she had some healing to do. She then realized that in order for her to do what God needed her to do, she had to know what they were feeling. She said that she Thanks God everyday for the wisdom He has given her because now she can truely connect with these young women. She now has the strength to see each case through with compassion and total understanding. She is able to do a work in these young ladies that is unmatched by others in her office. She is able to help heal others whereas, had it not happened, she probably would not have been there today to help and heal those in need. God has a plan for us all, even if we do not see it.
Point:
You had to go thru the pain and suffering that you had because someone needed to get healed. Maybe just you.
Could it be the many heart hurt souls here seemingly pain trapped in these forums...
Could it be your H whom just wanted to be closer to his W (you)
Could it be just me who seemingly so feel so drawn to you only by the mere words you speak....
Could it be my son whom needed his father to get a swift punch in the face so that dad does not draw away from him while lost in W's fog of chemical highs....
Or just because He knew that you had the strength and staying power to stick to this forum because so many here need your insight and wisdom.
Someone prayed for the answers to there problems, I don't know who. God sent you!
I have been chasing you around this forum. I miss you everywhere by just minutes it seems..... I take the time to read just about every thread you post for folks stuck here dying for love lost. I look for you name any and everywhere before I check my own stich.... or an email from my W. God has given you a knowledge thru a painful journey so that you would have the wisdom to help others. Somebody's prayer somewhere was answered. Mine was.... sorry for doing that to you, but Thanks!
Long way around... Sorry.
As for the ebook. I will not force it on my W. But if she decides to try and work on our marriage when the time is right, I will offer it up as something for her to read that may help her to put distance between her and OM.
Ha, if only wife knew what could happen to her if she continues down that path.... would want to email her and tell her would ya!
S2 - don't you worry.I have staying power. I want my W back. She may never come back. I am not ready to give up yet. I will work on Gal'ing, 180's and the like. I will DB best I can, and try to pursue W by stayin' 2 steo in front of her. I do not know how this is going to turn out, but I will have the door open for a long long time.
W pursuing R with OM. She says "not", but I understand that she does not control her high right now. I also understand that not much can happen until it wears off.
W has medical concerns and prescription med addiction, chronic back pain after 2 surgeries and just this week, found out she has crohn's disease if I spell that right. Skin issues from the gastric by pass surgery etc.... plus OM is younger. his I know sounds like it is doomed from the start. Never know though. I love her. I grew up with her and all her problems. She does not know how much love I hold for her.
I would not pick the flower and die for my W neither. I think I got that story from your stich.
Yeah, she said she does not know what she want or what she wants to do. I will take that for now as i have no choice at the moment. I will be curious to see if she actyually gets back into C'ing like she said. That would be a good first step.
MIL thinks it is over between us. But MIL never thought we'd get married in the first place. so....
And S2 - Thank you for your prayers and encouragement... Don't be a stranger, come visit me often....
Me 43 / W 40 T 29 / M 15 S-18 11/4/09-ILYBINILWY 11/10/09-Separated 12/1/09-W admitted EA 12/5/09-W admitted PA 12/24/09 W say "I love you"
"A GOOD MARRIAGE IS NOT ONE WHERE PERFECTION REIGNS"
