I need help please

[chatterbug]

Hi. Heres a hug.

Go make yourself a nice cup of tea. You deserve one. It is ok to show your frustration and hurt. Your children will support you as well.

Just remember the other side of DB'ing. Standing strong for yourself. And during this rough day. Check back in a few times. You have many people here who care about you but do not post. And those who do will walk with you through this hard day.

The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


P17 posted this link in his thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1897940#Post1897940

I think the conversation there will help you today as well. Well written conversation.

[bestraongforyou]

ok,so I sent a FB message to his co-worker(MOW) an hour ago - I am not sure where I got the guts from to do it but I just had to do it.WAH is home in 2 days and I am hoping to have some clarification until today - and if I was wrong all along I was wrong, but at least I know then.

[P17]

ok,so I sent a FB message to his co-worker(MOW) an hour ago - I am not sure where I got the guts from to do it but I just had to do it.WAH is home in 2 days and I am hoping to have some clarification until today - and if I was wrong all along I was wrong, but at least I know then.

What was the message about?

[newmama]

hey, maybe you'll find out something! they say we should not contact OP normally, but in your case it makes sense since you need confirmation (even though your gut is right!)

[bestraongforyou]

I just sent her a message with my email and asked her to contact me - the ball is now in her court - if she will I don't know.

I also cleared up the confusion with my payment - it is coming in the full amount early January - the letter was just wrong - thank god

[bestraongforyou]

hey, maybe you'll find out something! they say we should not contact OP normally, but in your case it makes sense since you need confirmation (even though your gut is right!)

Honestly I don't know what else to do - I don't think it will make any difference in my current situation but having said that if he lied and he actually had an affair then it was the cruelest thing I have ever encountered.
I have this fantasie of showing up at his mums house and just throw all his stuff in black bin bags onto the porch and giving him a piece of my mind in front of everyone and then to disappear with a "Merry Fu**ing X-Mas"

But I think with the bad health his mum is in that wouldn't be such a good idea - I can dream can I

[newmama]

I have this fantasie of showing up at his mums house and just throw all his stuff in black bin bags onto the porch and giving him a piece of my mind in front of everyone and then to disappear with a "Merry Fu**ing X-Mas"

I have had the same fantasy! Just wanted to tell you that and don't you love the MAD faces??
rrr! rrr! rrr!

How are you doing today/tonight Bestrong?

[chatterbug]

Ladies. I hope your both doing well. Man I wish my WAS had the strenght of either of you.

You both should be proud of what you both have done. I am.

[bestraongforyou]

ok, disaster again yesterday - the story of my life
I got a call from WH lunch yesterday to tell me he knew about my FB message to the co-worker - she didn't call him directly until then anyway but someone else told him (who knows who?) - anyway sends me a text saying - why I can't at least leave the few friends he has left alone ...
Remember , they had unfriended each other on FB - I would have never contacted her otherwise...
Any way we spoke 1.5 hours on the phone – first of all he admitted that him and her don’t talk anymore – you see this is what I am dealing with for 8 months – first a text that I should not scare his friends away and then an hour later – oh we don’t talk.
Then he tells me first that he unfriended her because she was acting childish and then an hour later he says he unfriended her for strategic reasons when the securtity settings on FB changed.
I don’t think either is true .
Now he admitted to one thing – the woman he dated right after we split is the same woman who asked him out on a date in April – so they did know each other and she wasn’t a tenant.
But first he said he called her after we split and then later he said he didn’t keep her number and she called him after we split - I mean I am an intelligent woman but even I have a hard time keeeping up with all the diferent versions.
I told him right out I am not his friend – I don’t want him to tell me about other women. I am his wife for christ sake – he says I am not anymore and that I should stop living in the past.
Then we spoke about how many times we talk on the phone – I don’t think he realizes how many times hee called me over the last 3 months – he says finances have to be discussed – no, they don’t – you want to know what I think – he might not want to come back but one of his huge emotional needs is Conversation – a.d he gets that fullfilled by me right now. He has always called – he doesn’t know how it is without it.
I also told him that every time he tells me how lonely he is I could just puke. That he is always the victim and that it really pisses me off.
He complained that I didn’t involve him in preparing X-mas – what was I supposed to do – spoonfeed it to him – he wants to be proactive for next year – haha – he wants a financial plan in advance next year.
Oh and in the end he re-confirmed that he had no affair, did not leave me for another woman and had no sex with anyone else then me (which is 7 months ago) – he left out the phone sex but he doesn’t know I know.
And I said to him if I ever find out that he is lying about any of the above I don’t know what I am going to do...

That’s it in a nutshell – I still think he had an affair - but at least the co-worker has now my email address – you never know – right now she is angry with him that I contacted her – who knows why – I just gave her my email address and said I had a few questions and if she couold contact me – I was polite and I am not sorry for it.

[newmama]

I just gave her my email address and said I had a few questions and if she couold contact me – I was polite and I am not sorry for it.

This wasn't terrible to do. Your WH is threatened by you contacting OW. You can get a faster divorce if you prove infidelity, right? Not that I am telling you to do that but is that why he is lying?

I don't get this--if he wants to be done with you, why does he care if you know he had an A or why doesn't he file for divorce?

OK I have to say this..it seems like you are already living the life of a divorced parent due to his working out of the country for so long. What have you been able to do to help you feel good about yourself? What would you be doing different if you were actually divorced?