I too have not been around as much, work is crazy and trying to put 100% into re-establishing our relationship but I have been lurking in the background.
Cas it is understandable that you are feeling a whole range of emotions at this point as things are now moving toward closure of the life you once shared with your H. Let the emotions out, deal with them and then you will be okay,I am sure you have strength in you to get through this, it won't be easy but at least at the end you will be able to move forward and do the things your heart desires. Be strong Cas, I am thinking of you (believe me I am) and will be sending prayers of support your way.
Hopefully once you are ready and able we will still be able to meet.
