Showing her the changes that you have made will be much more effective than telling her. You can show that you have "softened" to her when she describes something from work and you say "I can see how that might have been frustrating" Validating is a good way to show your willingness to compromise.

And I think that you should stop letting her know everything about what you are doing to help the marriage. Change your attitude, change your behavior, and let her witness it.

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...